EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
choosing cognitions
wondering · 07/26/03 at 10:59 PM ET
Hi, I have a question about formulating and choosing cognitions. I have a belief -- "success is bad" "being good is bad" -- that is interfering with my continuing with therapy. I am, internally, equating success in therapy (being a good client) with being praised for "bad stuff" when I was a child. Not sure if that makes sense... But when there is movement forward in therapy I am overwhelmed by a sense that I have done something wrong and that I am or have been hurt in some way. I have failed to articulate this all, over and over, in session. Even trying to articulate it seems to create a flood of body sensations and other beliefs "I am bad" "I deserve to be hurt" etc... at which point I become completely flustered, confused and, usually, mute. Anyway, I keep trying to condense this to a single belief and I am unable to. I try to parcel it out as several beliefs and fail at that, too. I think this is a primary issue/obstacle in therapy, and I have no idea how to get through it. I feel like I am missing an essential step or idea. I'd ask my therapist about this... but asking for help might be considered "good"... so that's not an option.. it feeds right back into the internal loop. If I weren't so stymied at this, I'd find the whole self imposed bind sort of morbidly entertaining.
Any thoughts appreciated. I am feeling incurable. Thanks...
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