EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
Re:ego state work
Opinionated · 08/08/03 at 10:17 PM ET
Often in psychotherapy we place ourselves in the position, or imitate the behaviors, or take on the roles of people that we find difficult in our lives. We may unconsciously replay troublesome people to make therapists show us how to deal with them. Maybe you were your children with your therapist. That is, “we do to others what has been done to us.” Your therapist’s response is not necessarily the best response for you concerning your children -- parenting is not an all or nothing situation. Though, if the people we are struggling to deal with are very relentless and the situations quite painful, we can “test” therapists with the same behaviors beyond their tolerance. There is a BALANCE between “labeling and describing” a set of behaviors and “integrating” them. For example, Gestalt therapists devote much attention to having people “own” their experiences, such as stating “I feel abandoned (or whatever)” and focusing on sensations, images, sounds, etc. They discourage too much intellectual describing as it leads to blocking feelings, memories, and other behaviors. One technique mentioned in an above post a while ago by Dr. Inobe was “becoming” the “part” fully with ALL of its connected awareness, then talking directly to the part, then creating a dialogue between our present self and the part, instead of “talking about” the part. The full experience requires we set some limits (i.e., no dangerous or actually abusive behaviors) so our fears (loss of control or injuries) don’t keep us from the awareness. One technique has a person role-play an identified “introject” with the therapist, i.e., he or she actually dramatizes the behaviors toward the therapist. For example, the patient plays an “abuser” introject and the therapist plays the role of the object of some abuse (usually the therapist mostly listens). This response is not really about you as much as it is about some principles of psychotherapy. The unexplained or unconscious aspects of the doctor (therapist)-patient relationship can determine its success. EMDR emphasizes specificity of problem components and protocols to assist the patient, though some of the extra-therapeutic conditions (e.g., symbolic/emotional significance of the relationship) may have “make or break” consequences for treatment. Some therapists are willing to reconsider or modify a treatment plan (or contract) after an apparent termination of a patient. Both people use the “break” in the relationship as an opportunity to more fully understand what caused it and how it relates to the reason the person sought help in the first place. Even when a therapist doesn’t resume treatment with a person, he or she may articulate his or her perspective concerning the termination events with a patient and a new therapist so its lessons can be learned.
“I hate my children and I am quitting being a mother!”
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