PHYSIOLOGY IS INEVITABLE

• Inevitability of shame by Roy Clymer, 12/23/98
  
  

It is indeed inevitable. Your hurt too will be inevitable if he does not get in. Your interest is his happiness and you see that as his going to Duke. It has been hard for me, and still is, to always try and keep present the idea that what we are first and primarily talking about is physiology. The brain has no choice but to be shocked, this hurts, it is inevitable. The true goal is not then "Duke" but weather when he wins or loses in what way did I help him compile or add to a script that will aid him in graciously accepting defeat as well as success, and if the former, how do I help another recover from cognitive shock in the quickest way and in a way that will lead to renewed interest, in other, as quickly as possible?

I might think that admonitions to "work harder" will only augment the shame if he fails. What then is the best course? The best words to use? What do you think?

Thanks for the interesting question.

Brian Lynch

• Handling Rejection by Steve Shmurak, 12/24/98
  • Handling shame, not rejection by Roy Clymer, 12/29/98
• Inevitability of shame by Roy Clymer, 12/29/98
  • The affects help us know reality by Don Nathanson, 1/2/99
  • Does disappointment=shame? by Jeff Elison, 3/25/99