Handling Rejection

• Inevitability of shame by Roy Clymer, 12/23/98
  • PHYSIOLOGY IS INEVITABLE by B. LYNCH, 12/23/98
    
    

We are all individuals, with different standards, needs and ways of making decisions. Therefore rejection, like physiology, is (at times) inevitable. That is one reason why it's so important to define realistically for ourselves the values and standards we live by.

One of life's ongoing tasks is to find ways to mutualize our own ways with those of others. This mutualizing process requires effort, and the results can vary from complete failure through various degrees of success, to finding one's soul mate.

Choosing a college (and having a college choose you) is a form of the mutualization process. The college has its own needs, traditions and standards that it tries to fulfill in choosing its student body. This consists of so many athletes, so many scholars, so many musicians, so many "oddballs", so many legacies, etc. These are not in the applicant's control, nor is he in control of who else has applied. If he has put his best efforts into his work, he can ask no more of himself, the rest remains out of his hands. If he is rejected, he needs to learn to handle that disappointment.

I think this is a very important part of genuine self-esteem - to base one's worth on his own efforts and the results that were actually in his control.Though rejection is disappointing (a form of shame), one needs to learn to not define his worth as a human being by things that didn't go his way, but were out of his control. It is a very important life skill - we need to learn (to script) how to handle losing, as well as how to handle winning.

• Handling shame, not rejection by Roy Clymer, 12/29/98