Inevitability of shame

• Inevitability of shame by Roy Clymer, 12/23/98
  • PHYSIOLOGY IS INEVITABLE by B. LYNCH, 12/23/98
    
    

In the main, I agree with you. From an experiential point of view it would suprise no one to imagine my son will feel disappointment if he doesn't get into Duke. (Duke, by the way, is his idea, not mine. He's been interested ever since Christian Latener made the turnaround jump shot that won the championship. I'm not even a baskettball fan. Only recently has he understood how difficult it is to get into Duke.) But the thought that animated the question was how the situation of not getting in perfectly exemplified the requirments for shame affect. To those who don't know affect theory, it WOULD be suprising to think he would feel shame about not getting in. After all, as the next respondent noted, it's not about success, etc. But I do think he will feel at least a moment of shame. Knowing that, I have already begun to prepare him. By encouraging (nearly forcing)him to do a good job on his application and to maintain/increase his effort level now, I can truly say to him that if he doesn't get in it DOES have nothing to do with him. By doing his best he can truly believe that it's the school looking for so many ahteletes, etc. Thus, I believe, the shame will not "stick" to him, his self image, but merely pass through him, allowing him to move on more easily.

• The affects help us know reality by Don Nathanson, 1/2/99
• Does disappointment=shame? by Jeff Elison, 3/25/99