Inevitability of shame

I have a practical question to put to you all. My son was recently deferred by Duke at his request for early admission. Now we have managed to get him to see that, in spite of his disappointment and doubt, it IS worth working harder so he can send better (hopefully!)semester grades to Duke for consideration at regular admission. My question: is he "doomed" to feel shame if he doesn't get in? According to affect theory, an apropriate stimulus (Duke) to a postive affect (interest-excitement) still exists but an impediment (the feared rejection) blocks the affect. Is there no way out? Is the best I can hope for him (should he not get in) is to minimize the shame? And will it inevitably be about him, i.e., will he, at some level, experience it as a personal failure? My response is to try and motivate him to worker harder so he: 1. Improves his chances, and 2: protects himself from shame by knowing he has done his best. But from affect theory, it would seem to me there's no way out. What do you think?

• PHYSIOLOGY IS INEVITABLE by B. LYNCH, 12/23/98
  • Handling Rejection by Steve Shmurak, 12/24/98
    • Handling shame, not rejection by Roy Clymer, 12/29/98
  • Inevitability of shame by Roy Clymer, 12/29/98
    • The affects help us know reality by Don Nathanson, 1/2/99
    • Does disappointment=shame? by Jeff Elison, 3/25/99