EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
I will answer you questions...
Diane · 12/17/02 at 1:57 PM ET
I was in talk therapy for three years starting twelve years ago. That ended because my therapist took a position he felt was beneficial to himself and his family - out of state. But before he left, he had attended an EMDR workshop and we tried one very unstructured session. So I had a brief introduction to EMDR. And years later I found Dr. Shapiro's book, "EMDR." I had enough self-awareness from therapy to know that I had a traumatic background, and I wanted very much to find a good and experience EMDR therapist. But it took me years to find and develop the courage to actually seek out a competent therapist to do this work. Even after going to the EMDRIA.org site and requesting a list of competent therapist I was still afraid. And I was afraid because there were always the warnings about dissociatives doing EMDR work, and the potential for getting stuck or retraumatized. But I knew this was my best and only hope for recovery. So, I contacted therapists who had experience in working with childhood trauma victims and questioned them specifically about containment protocols and EMDR experience. And still I didn't have the courage to do the work. But my dissociative problems were just intensifying over the years, with more frequent flashback prodrome and flashbacks, lost time and switching. And after a traumatic episode involving my significant other, I experienced my first revolving door syndrome. And I thought there was nothing that could possibly be more terrifying than that. So, I began looking in earnest for an EMDR therapist with experience dealing with clients who had been consistently traumatized as children. And I found a therapist who had twenty years of experience in treating these patients and who at that time had more than a dozen years of experience with EMDR. And still I wouldn't do any of the work until I questioned her thoroughly on what she would do in different situations. And I made sure that there would be containment no matter what happened in the sessions. And I made sure that she was very comfortable with cognitive interweave techniques. And we did two sessions of EMDR in the manner proscribed in the literature. But I had not disclosed to her that I was multiple. And I looped and my runner took me out of state and out of therapy. And there I stayed for three years. But those two sessions of EMDR were effective on one level. The first session I installed a safe place, and that was very effective. The second session accessed a part of me that had a good job to do, but was in torment. We had tried to take her out of her torment during that second EMDR session, since this is the goal of EMDR, and we did lessen it considerably. But what neither of us appreciated was that, this was her job, hence the runner... Three years later I went back to therapy with this same therapist and I disclosed my multiplicity. And our first session we established a meeting area and got as many as were willing together to get a contract for behavior control and for doing the work. And I also got an acknowledgement from every one that they wanted no more pain. Two more sessions we processed both specific events and general themes and they were intense, because I came to session primed and triggered by intense memories of my parents. And we went right to work both times, and my therapist was very right there and on the ball weaving truth into my experience and process. And theses sessions, I could feel the truth and the release like a soothing balm penetrating to my farthest internal reaches. And I purchased a bilateral stimulation CD that I used in between sessions to process whatever came up. And using the bilateral stimulation CD to smooth out the energy, I went looking for parts and began making connections and contracts. And I journalized and all my parts told who they were and I valued them and cherished them. And I shared that journal with my therapist and with one very close friend so that they would know who I am, even though I did not. The remaining two sessions we dealt with loss and grief, and began talking about one of the ones that I hadn't gotten - a part that rages against me. And I discovered others and I processed them using the CD and brought them in. And then that one came in the middle of the night, and I used the bilateral stimulation CD and had containment and just let that process. And so she was the last one. And when she came in all she and all the others and I merged. So, I had a total of seven sessions with this therapist, five in a four week period of time. But I had many more processing sessions alone, after I had safe place installment, contracts from my main alters, had achieved containment, and knew I had a therapist I could trust if things got out of hand. I also had made a contract with my significant other that he would hold me emotionally, and stand by me while I did this work. And that was important because I didn't know where it would take me in the healing process. And I borrowed his strength to do the work, and when I lost courage, he was there to encourage me and see ahead on the road for me. Oh, and I am a third level Reiki practioner with an active practice and I do Reiki energy work nearly every day. So, maybe that also had something to do with it. But I rather think it probably had more to do with honoring my own struggle over the years and my seeking for understanding. I hope this answers your questions concerning my specifics. Diane
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