Re: to Barbara

Your responses have been very informative & "enlightening." Where better to get "directions" but from somebody who had been down the road. Thanks, Sandra, for leaving this little detour from EMDR online.

I 'believe' that I understand what you are saying about the importance of the 'relationship' in therapy. Have often contemplated just how 'involved' a therapist SHOULD be with individual patients, or how COULD they be. I have experienced four long term therapies, each with a different 'relationship.' I have revealed parts of myself to them that I would never express to anyone else, with the idea that was what was required of me to facilitate change. The first therapist was male & I came to regard him as a casual friend, but only in his office. The third was a male who was casual, but no real relationship developed in the over a year that I saw him. I had the sense that the sessions were not connected; that each session was almost like starting anew. He would 'assign' me things to do between sessions, and then not follow up on them, as if he had forgotten. The present female therapist seems more like an fitness trainer.

The second therapist, however, was female; a "Jewish Mother." (That is not a discriminatory comment; intended as a compliment; AND she was Jewish, and she was a mother.) She was incredible in her involvement with her patients -- at least as I saw her. It was like when I walked in the door, she picked up at the point we ended the last week's session. She always "on top of the situation," keeping relative facts about my situation and concerns in her mind. She felt that I may have a problem with "female authority figures" so she would pull up a pillow and sit on the floor before me during session, to minimize my 'view' of her as having any kind of 'power' over me. And... she CARED. I can only imaging that this is the sort of relationship you speak of when you say that you found a therapist that you "loved."

How does one "find" such a therapist? As personally involved as she was, this therapist did not have the tools to address my real problem. At the time I had no idea of what the real problem was. I was depressed and frustrated with my marriage and my career. She identified problems in the marriage that overflowed in my business, and did her best to talk me into realizing different ways to approch such problems. What she couldn't do was talk to the 'real me,' where I believe the change must be made, because the 'real me' was barricaded away before I ever got to know the 'real me'. I have lived my life as an audioanimatron following the rules and complying to expectations. Now that I realize that is not going to work, there is nothing much else to work with. The audioanimatron can discuss emotions but rarely feels anything under the depression. One of the ealiest rules that I learned was not to cry, not to express myself, but to behave in a grown up way so as not to embarrass my overly social conscious mother. I have behaved very well in a 'grown up way,' but have not felt the rewards that seemed to be promised the little boy for doing so.

There HAVE been times that I did not feel the pain of depression, but I 'feel' that my emotions have always been repressed. "Good times" are actually "good emotions" and when you have been trained to repress emotion, it is difficult to access them. That has been my "Catch 22" in EMDR.

I understand that EMDR is not a cure-all. It is simply a tool or technigue to facilitate in accessing the emotions and/or memories that may have been 'forgotten.' My hope was that it was a powerful enough tool to get past my blockages. Didn't do it. And, apparently, neither is bioenergetics' body work.

I find your advise in seeking answers for myself very solid and will pursue further educating myself about "blocked emotions" and lack of sense of self. It seems that all the therapy I have experienced seems to assume that everyone has SOME sense of self. I presume also that I do have SOME sense of self, but at this point it is just that I have become aware that I am very much lacking in that area.

Thank you for your posting the web link. I will be 'checking it out.'

Replies:

Re: to Barbara , by Sandra Paulsen Inobe, PhD, 11/20/02 Re: to Dr. Inobe, by , 11/22/02 Re: to Dr. Inobe, by Sandra Paulsen Inobe, PhD, 11/22/02 Re: to Dr. Inobe, by ex-NEW EMDR client, 11/23/02 Re: to Dr. Inobe, by another client, 11/23/02 Re: to Dr. Inobe, by Sandra Paulsen Inobe, PhD, 11/23/02 some sense of self, by becoming attached, 11/20/02 Re:some sense of self, by becoming attached, 11/20/02 Re: to Barbara , by Barbara, 12/08/02

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