Shame and offender therapy

I drew the 'compass of shame' on the white board earlier this evening in both of my domestic violence offender groups. Although we have been exploring shame and its relation to behavior in the groups, this is the first time I have talked at length about the withdrawal-attack self-avoidance-attack other ensemble of shame management approaches with the men in the group. When I felt that I had communicated enough of the concept of the compass, I asked each group member in turn to identify, if they could, which points of the compass they felt they gravitated towards. A lively discussion followed and virtually every member acknowledged their use of 'attack other', but several also recognized avoidance and attack self behaviors. One perceptively suggested that he often combined avoidance and attack self when he went on self-destructive drinking binges. Since over half the group members had been drinking when they offended, the coexistence of avoidance and attack other was also widely noted. In both groups there was genuine curiosity and interest in this material which, given my own belief in, and enthusiasm for, its relevance to the matter at hand, did not surprise me. In weeks to come I hope to expand upon this shame work in these groups. Comments and critcisms welcomed.

• Offenders enlightened by Don Nathanson, 1/3/97
• Shame--Intimacy--Attack Other by Vick Kelly, 1/15/97
  • Whiteboard economics and therapist inadequacy by Rich Kuyper, 1/18/97
    • Initial difficulty of Tomkins's concept of Shame by Vick Kelly, 1/19/97
      • One piece at a time... by Rich Kuyper, 1/20/97
        • Perfect by Don Nathanson, 1/20/97
        • Yes, Yes, Yes, And... by Vick Kelly, 1/20/97
          • Thanks, and...Offender therapy cont... by Rich Kuyper, 1/22/97