Yes, Work Stress Is the Euphemism That Propogates Self-Shaming in the Work System

• Reintegrative shaming praised by Rich Kuyper, 1/30/97
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    • Shame in systems by Rich Kuyper, 2/1/97
      
      

Rich, yes, "work stress" is the euphemism that allows the system to blame the victim (and the victim to shame him or herself) for not being able to endure ongoing (neglectful) abuse at work. Somehow interpersonal incivility at work is taken for granted as "human nature." Very, very few people have a reference experience of truly caring, collaborative work----that's why people feel hopeless about it: haven't seen it otherwise and don't know how to stop and create a supportive workplace. There is a definite "I can't" by the "immediate inferiors" and "I don't want to" by the overcontrolling bosses that locks the system in place. Both attitudes arise from (different forms of) powerlessness and resulting lack of imagination.

Rich---I recall the attitudes some of your colleagues have toward your therapy groups for offenders as apparently not being blaming-shaming enough of the abusers, thereby threatening to place you "on the side of the abuser." This kind of narrow thinking is exactly what I mean by the inability or unwillingness (is it "I can't" or "I don't want to" ?) of many therapists to think "big," that is, in systems terms. The same people who say you are not tough enough on the abuser are likely to be the same people who are shaming interns. Believe it or not at age 17 I spent my entire freshman year at the Virginia Military Institute being hazed and bullied in the rat line; the sophomores were the heaviest abusers. I transferred to Columbia engineering school the second year, not wanting to propagate the "system." The rat line continues today. We'll see if the new women cadets can change it (will the "can'ts" and the "I don't want tos" ever generate enough personal power to stop the nonsense?).

Thanks again for your dialogue with Don on your use of the shame compass in your therapy groups for men. I learned some things.

• Change in systems requires change in language by Don Nathanson, 2/2/97
  • A systems approach to shame and abuse by Rich Kuyper, 2/3/97
    • It isn't just shame by Don Nathanson, 2/3/97
  • A Neat Hope, Yes! And an Absolute Necessity by c.h., 2/3/97
• Response to work stress by Margaret Blakely, LPC, 2/2/97
  • Go Get 'Em Margaret by Vick Kelly, 2/4/97
    • (No title) by Margaret Blakely, 2/6/97
      • Response to work stress by by Diane VanCleave, 8/12/98
• Anyone Who Uses Tompkins' Language is a Change Agent....and Beware by c.h., 2/6/97
  • Change agent by Margaret Blakely, 2/8/97
• The Genesis? by Lee D. Downs, D.Min., 2/24/97
  • Propose We Move Workplace Issues Out of This Forum by c.h., 2/26/97
    • No, Chauncey, Don't Go!! by Don Nathanson, 2/26/97