EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
Is EMDR Appropriate for me?
Marny · 09/24/00 at 1:57 PM ET
Hello, I am in urgent need of guidance on this topic. I will try to be as brief as possible, but am concerned about the recommendation to have EMDR by my therapist. I am a recovering alcoholic [8 1/2 yrs. sober] and have initiated intense healing in the past 6 wks. I was told by a medical intuitive that if I didn't "integrate" myself, that I was in for some major health problems. She "read" that due to trauma, I had literally committed "spiritual suicide" at the age of 3 - deciding not to participate in this life. I am very aware of my lack of emotional health - this precipitated my healing journey. I am 53 - never been pregnant [MI told me this & said there was no way I could have been in my blocked condition]- and other than being overweight [always have been] am in good physical health. BP fine, total chol. & ratio, fine - resting pulse 60. My main concern is that at age 30 I had 5 grand mal siezures in a period of 45 min. The doctors told my sister I would be a vegetable the rest of my life. 2 days later I woke up & asked for a cigarette! NO reason was ever found for the siezures. Lost a lot of memory (regained much over the years but short term memory is still "iffy"!) Was on Dilantin for 18 years & had neurological ck. up every year. MRI's - MRI's w/dye - cat scans - EEG's etc. Gradually went off the Dilantin over 6 month period 4 yrs. ago. No problems, siezures, or anything. Through years of self-searching, journaling, remembering etc. I am aware of the abuse in my childhood. (aware, of course of the parts I remember!) Really thought I had worked through this, particularly during my 4th. & 5th. steps in A.A. The base of all my "dysfunctions" seem to me to be traced to fear. TERROR is a more appropriate word. Even now I will wake myself up trying to scream (or my husband will wake me when he hears the noises I'm making) Really to terrified to scream. Just this breathless, open mouthed keening is all I can get out. (The man I was living with at the time of my siezures said this happened quite frequently back then. 1-2 times a week. Now maybe once every few months.)I never remember any of the dreams. Not even faint "ideas". Unexpected sharp noises cause my heart to jump in my chest. Very wary of movements I catch in my peripheral vision. Startle easily, etc. Whatever "caused" this I can't remember. The MI reccomended Reiki among many other treatments. She said I had to get "unblocked" to get anything "down" into my body. I understood completely as I am aware of "living" totally in my head. IQ 136 - book smart - KNOW spiritual path - do NOT feel it. (A.A. oldtimer says I am 18" from God - when I can move it the 18" from my head to my heart I will start healing.) I chose Reiki as a first step to unblocking and the Reiki Master who gave me first treatment recommended "Holotropic Breathwork". There is a workshop on this in Nov. in my area so contacted the therapist. When I visited her she recommended EMDR. Thought the breathwork might be to intense with the siezure history. After my initial interview she changed her mind & says she wants to do 2 sessions of EMDR (50 min. sessions). (This is another concern; I will have to go by myself & drive the 25 miles home alone, following the sessions.) After these 2 EMDR sessions she then wants me to do the breathwork workshop. I have read extensively on this site and am worried about the consequences of the EMDR. Is it possible that whatever "terrified" me was the cause of my siezures? If this "memory" is recalled during EMDR, could it happen again? (Perhaps to drive home the point, the neurologist told me that if I ever had another one to "kiss my butt good-bye"). I AM SERIOUS - believe me! I think he felt he had to state it that way because of the condition I was in at the time. So this is the predicament I'm facing now. I want to feel better & learn to live a healthy life without being abnormally afraid of everything! I am committed to getting well. On the other hand I am "reasonably afraid" (justifiably wary?) of some of these treatments causing another "siezure" attack. I tried hypno-therapy and though some issues were uncovered & dealt with, nothing regarding this "terror" was accessed. I am aware that you cannot specifically prescribe in this forum; however, any advice or guidance to further resources that might benefit me would be greatly appreciated. Is there another method or treatment available that may be better suited for my situation? Please, I don't want to be "stuck" here any longer. Thank You, Marny
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