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Controling behavior and marital conflict
Jean Valjean · 08/27/02 at 2:26 PM ET
Hello, My husband and I have enjoyed a loving and strong marriage for 20 years. However, like all relationships, we have conflicts. My husband says that I am overly controling and feels that I do not accept him. In fact, I do have an overly controling type of personality that has led to a chronic problem in my ability to form relationships. One of these problem areas is marital conflict. And my husband and I both suffer because of my domineering behavior. However, it does seem to me that both of us also contribute to creating conflict in our marriage. When I try to point out this dynamic, my husband becomes very defensive and says that I am simply trying to blame him for my own problems. My husband doesn't recognize his own passive, evasive, withdrawn behavior which I think is part of a co-dependency. I have worked and continue to work on improving this character flaw (controling behavior) of mine. Recently, one of the ways that I have tried to change my controling behavior is simply to stop "taking charge" of things I've done in the past like family finances, home maintenance, etc. But it seems that my husband resents the fact that those things are not getting done and also resents the suggestion that he could take a more active role in these responsibilities. I'm not sure because we are not comfortable talking about this. What can I do to address my own problem of need to control? What can I do to address this co-dependency in my marriage? (Ironically, how can I control the situation? -- or Should I just give up?) Thanks for any insight you can give. Jean
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