In This Forum We're Being Influenced to Travel the *Path with Heart*

• Responses to First Learning about Affect Theory by Jim Duffy a.k.a. J.C.D., 2/28/97
  
  

Jim, thanks for your post. As Margaret and others in the Forum, like Rich Kuyper, point out, anyone who uses affect language is likely to face a challenge ("push back") from work group members. Using systems thinking, a change in language is a major threat to a culture, and members will attempt to stabilize the system by enforcing the language norms through, at first, minimal cues- ---like rolling the eyes. Later more drastic ways may be attempted (scapegoating, etc. ) if the threat is great enough. Fortunately, in Margaret's case she is the boss and can likely override and change the norm in her group through role power alone.....especially when newcomers to the group (who haven't yet entirely adapted to preexisting norms) are in favor of the change (like Margaret's interns).

For myself, I have developed a building self strategy for handling norm opposition. First off I shift into "intervention awareness" so I am not surprised by attempts by others to enforce the "don't use new words" norm on me. Then "I go slow to go fast" with a sense of humor and an intention to join others' self-interests----how can the new word (like "shame") be applied as in insight to resolve a problem some member of the group may be facing. Approaching group members one at a time and not using the new word in the group context until I've used the word with each member privately is an example of the "go slow to go fast" strategy for changing the group norm one word at a time. Finally, when the group first starts to use the word there is usually a laugh, and a glance toward me to see if I've noticed. Caught at my game, I laugh too (what the heck).

The other way around. Robert Bly uses shame language in all his men's groups (he was the leader, so he could use role power to introduce and establish the new norm). Each new person who enters the group has to begin to engage his shame or the group's (positive) norm will be enforced on him! This is kind of what is happening in this Forum. All of us are being challenged (by norm influence) to learn more and more about Tomkins (I am even, finally, learning to spell his name--group norm influence!) language.

Another thing about affect language that makes it difficult to introduce into the culture is each person's individual childhood patterning resistance (in addition to the group's normative resistance). Becoming conscious of shame and using shame language means you have to face and work through your own shame. I don't believe it's possible to be thoroughly comfortable with one's own shame without developing heart (takes a lot of self-forgiveness). So if today's workgroups started to use affect language, each person in the group would be challenged to become very familiar with the source of their need to shame others (attack-other response) in order to stop it. That can be an enormous growth step for most people. Not everyone is prepared to do this self reflective and forgiving work. But norm influence encourages this growth to happen. As don Juan and don Genaro (and the other fourteen or so members of the sorcerer's group) would say to Carlos Castenada about the traveling the Path with Heart, "you've got to let go of your self importance!" People in this forum, under Don's leadership, are being norm influenced to do just that.

• Thanks for More Suppport, Chauncey by Jim Duffy, 3/1/97
  • Yes , Chauncey, Tell us more about Bly's Aproach by Rich Kuyper, 3/2/97
• Robert Bly's Groups for Men Are a Model for a New Work World by c.h., 3/2/97
  • Ordering the Robert Bly Tape and Advising New Dimensions Radio about Don's Book by c.h., 3/3/97
    • Just Breing Picky by Ed Riemann, 3/3/97
    • Ed...Thanks for the Correction...I'm Learning Several Good Things.... by c.h., 3/3/97