Robert Bly's Groups for Men Are a Model for a New Work World

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Jim. Thank you for your supportive words. Hello, Rich! I apologize for cramming too much in one post, and confusing the point about how systems norms can be used to support new positive behaviors as well as stabilize old negative ones.

Watching Robert Bly change has been interesting. He at one time was a fierce competitor in the poetry world, mistreated his kids (by his own admission), and now has evolved toward giving up his self importance and developing heart---in the midst of the art world (system) that still enforces the norm of competition on poets.

Bly accomplished the shift, at least in part, by establishing a new normative mini- system, his groups for men, that are a form of support for his own and others change. In the new groups for men (new system) everyone is supported ("norm influenced") to deal openly with their shame damage.

Example: In one exercise, Robert asks members of the group to stand like cranes holding one leg---these are men, mind you. Robert speaks to the group about strategies for healing and fending off shame learned from Gershen Kaufman. In Bly's groups the norm that is enforced by subtle "good shame," (what Robert F. Allen, developer of Normative Systems, calls positive "norm influence") is for group members to talk easily and openly about shame. Yes, Rich, this does sound like what does or can happen in your domestic violence offenders groups.

Men in these groups give up competing and open themselves to being playful and joyful---magically---as a result of the normative support to confront, talk about, and heal the shame that had been limiting them. New Dimension Foundation http://www.newdimensions.org/ has quite a good audio tape of Bly speaking on shame. I just e-mailed NDF to get the tape number. I have given these tapes to clients. Rich, I'll post the tape number if/when I receive a response.

Bly, like all of us, is not perfect by any means. But he is trying, and he has helped a lot of men. Jim, Rich...thank you for your interest! Chauncey.

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