Dear former fellow SDS member who also rejected their violent approach,
Fair is fair indeed. I have a commitment script to affect/script theory that creates in me the positive affects interest-excitement and enjoyment-joy in teaching everyone I can reach these theories of emotion and human motivation. You are, like so many people who have been trained without the benefit of affect/script theory, seeking the origins of human motivation without the help of a properly operational theory of emotion. This prevents you from getting down to the basic elements of human motivation in spite of your diligent, well-schooled approach to the matter.
For instance, when you say "Reaction formation is basically a form of 'ego protection'", I immediately want to ask "Protection from what?" When one gets back to the basics, one will most likely respond that it is protection from experiencing some kind of negative affect. (Brief reminder: the negative affects are: fear-terror, distress-anguish, anger-rage, shame-humiliation, disgust, and dissmell) In fact, I challenge you (in a friendly spirit) to respond to the question "Protection from what" in as many ways as you can. I submit that I will be able to find negative affect as the basis of each answer you give.
Thanks for presenting the stream of consciousness of your past. It would tell me more if you added the affective componenent for each segment. Rather than doing the same to give you some idea of the origins of my commitment script, for now, suffice it to say, that the commitment script is the result of a myriad of scenes (brief reminder: the most basic scene is composed of a stimulus-affect-response triad) in my lifetime whose sum total currently creates in me positive affect when I stick to something and make it work, and negative affect when the opposite occurs.
I have another question for you. When you say "I feel I am just another person in a very long line of persons that feel that the (attempt at) seeking the truth is a worthy goal and a motivation in itself." Could you tell me what it is that you "feel"?
For instance, when you say "I find it equally as gratifying to discover a piece of truth about the human condition as I do to use mathmatical formalua to further my understanding of Geometry or to complete a sculpture that expresses a concept that others can also see (I am also a metal sculptor)," you are echoing one of the things Tomkins discovered. The affect system is a general system. Anything can become imbued with any of the affects or none at all. Your statement in affect theory language says that you find enjoyment-joy in a series of different actions. Affect theory maintains that although there is, of course, historical complexity in why these particular things interest you, the reason you pursue them is that they do INTEREST you and you find ENJOYMENT in their pursuit. What you are telling me, then, is that the most basic motivating factor behind your search for meaning is affect, especially these two positive affects.