EMDR/TRANSFERENCE

Hi,
Yesterday my therapist told me about
EMDR and wants to try it next session
(he did his second training a few weeks
ago in NY). I asked him if it was okay
to do a search on this subject online
and he said absolutely...so it is here
that I find myself.

I don't know how to explain my situation without going into much
detail so let me apologize up front for
this post being at length.

I sought help from my Psychologist
after the onset of severe depression
following the divorce of a long term
marriage. Chidhood issues as well
including sexual abuse.

I have been in therapy for over a year
and a half and have moved forward in
many ways. But I am at a stand still
in others. Specifically how I have (or
NOT) dealt with the Transference I have experienced with this man.

He has not used the term, but I believe
it is appropriate to call it Erotic
Transference. There is no anger or
negative feelings toward him. There ARE
very strong sexual desires, and
feelings of affection. He "quessed" I
felt this way and has for the past year
tried to get me to verbalize my
feelings. I just can't do it. I have
however, written him several letters in
which I expressed these feelings in
detail. He is confused by the contrast
of how I can be so expicit on paper but
TOTALY freeze on the subject while in
his presence.

Now to the EMDR. So far what I have
read seems pretty intriguing. I'd like
to ask a couple of questions if I may?
Yesterday he asked me to think of a
"safe" place I could go to in my
thoughts. One came to mind right away.
But in thinking about it since, though
this place IS peaceful and relaxing...the place I feel safe is
THERE in his office with him! I am
going to page him before next session
to talk to him about this. But what is
your opinion? Would it be feasible to
use his office as my safe place? And
if it is, WHAT happens when he asks
about my body feelings if I am
experiencing those physical "desires?"
Will the state of EMDR allow me to
finally put the embarrassment aside and
open up to him? Or would it just
impede the underlying issues he's trying to address? In other
words...maybe during the EMDR session
is NOT the time for me to be focusing
on my feelings for him? God this is
confusing for ME! I just hope this
makes some sense to YOU.

Putting that aside, lets just assume
that you (and my therapist) feel I
should use my first choice as my safe
place. But what are the chances of me
having a dream about him while in
session? I was not upfront with him
last week when he asked about my
dreams. I was honest in answering that
I don't remember many dreams as of
late...but I didn't tell him of the one
I recently had in which we were almost
sexually engaged. Again...too
embarrassed. So sitting here right now
it is almost impossible to imagine how
I would deal with this situation if it
occured.

Thank you for your time. I'd
appreciate input from others as well.
Especially those who have experienced
this either as a client or therapist.
This whole concept is rather
scary...but the thought of it working
for positive changes is exciting.

Replies:

Re: EMDR/TRANSFERENCE, by Shapiro, 12/17/99

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