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Re:Dependent/Avoidant/Reactive
Stumped · 03/15/02 at 12:08 ET
The client has been in therapy 2 years. Originally, not many limits were set on such things as in-between session phone calls, because it seemed the client needed that as a form of attachment and trust building. Over time, the calls became excessive (sometimes 3 or 4 in a day), so a request was made not to call unless it was an emergency. This sparked extremely anxious reactions and feelings of abandonment in the client. Since then, discussions have taken place and a joint decision has been made to increase the frequency of visits rather than rely on phone messages in between. A telephone message in the case of an emergency is definitely OK. This is now satisfactory to both of us. My concern is how enough trust and closeness can be gained without fostering unnecessary dependency. Too few limits result in boundary violation, but when limits are set (such as with phone calls), the client interprets this as rejection and abandonment. The client has twice given small gifts which were accepted so as not to make her feel rejected. She has expressed a desire numerous times for physical contact in the form of hugs, but backs off when it is offered. Requests continue for verbal approval and promises not to abandon. However, I'm not sure the reassurances are sinking in.
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