Sympathy, Empathy, etc.

• Responses to First Learning about Affect Theory by Jim Duffy a.k.a. J.C.D., 2/28/97
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    • What is Sympathy? Parts I, II, III, and IV by Jim Duffy, 3/21/97
      
      

VERY interesting discussion. First my disclaimer (attack self): A very large part of me is reluctant to jump in here because I am in no way scholarly as I imagine the rest of you are...and while you are always very kind, I feel like a light-weight! Nevertheless, I have used my own internal experience as a sort of lab for myself for many years and I want to say something on this subject from that perspective. There...I hope I have taken care of the shame I am expecting to feel when you all read my post!!!

Jim, your very careful study of sympathy has given me much to think about. The first thing I did was to run it through my “feeling monitor” and I came up with the same thing Chauncey did---the word itself carries an aura of shame. Why? Maybe because it does imply “helping” another...and helping implies superiority in some way. For example, one has to be better than, bigger than, stronger than, wiser than, whatever than, in order to be altruistic and “help” someone else.

To me, empathy is exactly what Don said---the ability to “connect” with anothers’ affective experience; and that is really all that is necessary. Don once told me that “healthy’” or “balanced,” or whatever you might call the optimum state for a human being, is being able to feel each feeling as it comes up in the present and then let it go to experience the next in the next moment (this is certainly a paraphrase, Don---correct me if I am remembering it wrong!) One does not need sympathy in order to “help” another..all one needs is this ability, along with a willingness to lower the empathetic wall. The result of being able to do this for oneself is the experience we call self-acceptance and the result of doing it with another person is called, “love.” For me, there does not need to be any intent to help, to be sympathetic, or to be altruistic, for all of these do imply superiority. Help simply comes as a result of the interaction, not because of the intent to help. What is needed is the willingness to deal with one’s own scripts and to experience one’s own feelings (especially shame).

It occurs to me that the greatest spiritual leaders and the greatest therapists are those who hang out as close to the center point of the Compass of Shame as possible. Does anyone agree? Or disagree? Thanks for the incredible thought-provoking stuff generated here---what a blast!

• Thanks For Your Thoughtful Input, Margaret by Jim Duffy, 3/23/97
• Margaret - Hanging out as close to the center of the compass of shame as possible. by Steve Shmurak, 10/26/97
  • Center of Compass-Continuation by Steve Shmurak, 10/27/97