A universal tendency, found in every culture on earth, is to develop carefully prescribed rituals for coming and going. Why? Because beginnings and endings are extremely important to relationships. The way we are greeted sets the tone for everything else that will follow during a limited period of interaction. And it is the words and […]

Anyone who has ever studied a foreign language, knows that with new vocabulary comes new ways of seeing and understanding the world. As an example, if you ask a German to describe a suspension bridge, he is likely to say it is a thing of beauty. However, if you ask a Spaniard to describe a […]

When I talk about the ability to choose an emotional response, this idea is sometimes mistaken for a compulsory task. As one person said, “I have already tried that. Growing up, my father would often say, ‘Force yourself to have a good time,’ and I am sick of hearing that because it does not work!” […]

With 20 plus years of work with angry individuals, in a variety of settings such as prisons, domestic violence programs, school rooms, universities, and in private practice, I have found that the strategies which are most effective for transforming raging behaviors are rarely discovered without professional help. Unfortunately, mainstream therapy also misses the boat on […]

What happens if you ask a child to look into an empty box and just pretend that something is there? In an interesting series of experiments, some children were asked to pretend that a puppy dog was in the box. As part of the experiment, the researcher was called out of the room, after which […]

For centuries, poets and priests have reflected on the influence of emotion, noting its ability to suddenly take control of thought and behavior. After reading Paul Ekman’s research on universal emotions, I was curious to know which emotion is most powerful. Some would suggest it is love. Having begun my career as a domestic violence […]