re: no title

• (No title) by (No author), 10/1/98
  • (No title) by Dale R. Smith, 10/2/98
    • re: no title by John, 10/3/98
      
      

Absoutely John. Fear is a powerful feeling that can drive us past our limits. Once we cross the line in the sand we often can feel overexposed and unprotected. It can be a very difficult trial of experience once we find ourselves so open and honest enough to understand the whirlwind of conflicting feelings/thoughts/actions. Focusing our awareness to make sense -- find common ground -- is so much easier when we realize that we are never really alone with such experiences. Others before us have blazed some sort of a trail, however bleak it may seem.

Many of us have crossed the feared line to find ourselves becoming aware of a kind of common courage and humility much to our surprise when fellow humans' reach out for us as we reach out for comfort, respect, companionship, affirmation, self-identity, a place to belong, community, spirituality, friendship and love.

As a much younger man, I was troubled almost daily with facing the line choice. Life frightend and surpassed me completely it seemed in many real and imagined ways. I had pretty much given up all hope of any sort of an authentic and sustainable life. I will never forget that I was not only afraid to die, but even more so, I was afraid to live. As I sunk deeper into myself, I began to become aware of others like me. We all had tombstones in our eyes.

I also remember how I started to fight back, began to use my fears as steps to find courage. In my hole inside me I would peer out. If I saw ANYTHING or ANYBODY that I could identify and relate with I accepted that as proof of my courage to climb out and the newfound sameness with the other thing/person became a solid rung of the ladder I was building.

As each rung was forged and put into place I of course gained a wider view as I continued to peer out. This afforded me to continue my work with renewed vigor and much to my surprise I began to sense that life itself was helping me, guiding me, and most importantly being with me. I was not as alone as I had feared.

And then the hole collapsed, and I found myself in a tunnel crawling along my path to freedom. I saw light at the end. It seemed that all I need do at this point was continue to crawl. My senses seemed more reliable, sensations seemed more trustworthy, reality became something I was part of and no longer apart from.

And then the tunnel became a mighty structure and I could walk upright and the walls of the tunnel I could no longer reach out and touch anymore; the tunnel had become a great vastness. And much to my surprise I found others like me in the tunnel. I could reach out and touch them. From the inside. With recognition of our common plight and with our common resolve to continue our life saving work.

I tripped and fell many times. Sometimes I was even pushed down. But always I remembered well the courage of the ladder I had forged in my hole inside me. Unbelievably I found myself reaching out and helping others like me to stand up after they had fallen. We helped each other up. Leaning on each other we stood up. It became like an instinct in me that if I ever fell I would search for my fallen brethren and together we could accomplish with so much ease what before alone seemed so horrorific.

Finally I got so much courage that when I was tripped or pushed down I would not really fall. It seemed like my oppressors were actually falling them selves and leaning into me to abort their fall. It came to me to accept the weight of their need however vulgar and ugly their action seemed to be. I helped those who would not ask help of me. I began to forgive those who would push and trip me. I would help them so that I could help myself.

And now the tunnel is gone. And I live on a magnificent blue ball which follows a path through space. The heavy work is now done for me. The earth itself is my floor and the heavens my roof, and fellow humans are my walls. And I live on and in my home simply as one of countless billions of humans living free and with courage to share one to another our relentless ability that if we search honestly first within ourselves we will find someone, somewhere, who is in a hole peering out; and we will find a host of others crawling through tunnels; and we will find multitudes of others being walls for still others to reach out and hold onto as we find our balance and continue our journey.

When I wrote to the person who uniquely posts the "full of empitiness" posts, I was hoping for a fellow brother to lend a hand. Thank you John Suler for being that brother. Your short post galvanised me quickly back to my old times inside, and prompted this post. You have keen eyes John.

Much of this post is metaphoric cuzz it is not the details of my history that are important to share in this forum at this time; but that a message might be given to the silent author of the unique posts, who ever he or she is:

We all have a history of peering out, crawling, standing, walking and also of tripping and being pushed. We all have a presence here and now. We all have a future together. We ourselves are the past, present and future of ourselves. There are no others but ourselves. We are all one. Me helping you helps me. Me helping me helps you. You helping you helps me. You helping me helps you. In our mutual sharing of ourselves we find ourselves by finding each other. Sharing is caring. Share whatever you can. It is not the messenger that is important. It is the message that is the pearl. Any message is such a pearl.

If you cross the line, courage will cross with you. You are not alone if you do not cross. You are not alone if you do cross. The choice is simply yours. The courage belongs to us all. Including you.

warmest wishes,

• no title, no author, no message by kreative_minds, 10/4/98
  • response by Dale R. Smith, 10/4/98