Managing to manage the unmanagable.

• Hi there lurkers! by John Suler, 7/26/97
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    • verbally abusive onliners by John, 10/4/98
      
      

John, let me begin by saying this, as far back as I can remember, I have had the uncanny ability to tame the tiger, so to speak. Although very bold and forthright in all my relationships, I am a very sweet, gentle force. My many experiences in cyberspace have lead me to believe, that not every person having and displaying deviant behavior, has an "evil" personality, just a need to vent their frustrations and not knowing or having the tools to do so effectively and appropriately. On the other hand, there are those who have too much time on their hands and enter the chat communities to seek and destroy, some of whom I found to be educated individuals who use this as a way to release or gain information, for whatever purpose, and then to the extreme; the ones who have obviosly slipped passed the guard or physician to gain access to the prison or hospital computers and once "inside" they wreck havoc on the chat communities. With all that said, I believe there is "good" and "bad" in everyone. If someone is told to knock on doors to gain access to a place or room, and yet not shown where the door is, what good is your advice? Everyone has access to the same resources, the only difference being that the road they travel may be different than mine, but we still achieve the same or similar end result. Just my 2 cents. :-) Anyhow, how I tame the tiger. I simply sit and observe the abuser, for a short time and then pose the question, "Who angered you?" Thereby siding with this individual to gain his/her trust. The verbal abuse usually continues, even in his/her reply to me, however after chatting for a while and using gentle words, I sway this individual to leave the one he was abusing and I probe into this persons mind. I ask many different questions, beginning with the most simple to very direct. Many times I have requested these individuals to make me a promise. I ask that they not treat people with disrespect and to treat them the way they wish to be treated. A few times I have entered a room, and caught a person who I have spoke with previously, and have reminded them of the promise they made. Fortunately this process works with most. Saddly though, not with everyone. And they are the ones I place on ignore status. I could go on and on with this, but my fingers are getting tired. Another time maybe. Thanks John, for your interesting article, I shall read it thoroughly and get back to you.

• John by managing the unmanagable, 10/5/98
  • reversed subject and name by John, 10/5/98
    • John, be thankful you're human by kreative_minds, 10/5/98
  • I'm sorry, what is your name? by kreative_minds, 10/5/98