Re:How do I recall memories?

Thank you everyone for your insights.

I sought EMDR after a year of talk therapy that was causing me great pain and harm. But I should clarify why I initially sought traditional therapy over a year ago. I was dating a woman who became extremely abusive, chaotic, and sadistic. At the time, I did not understand that she was abusive. I had unhealthy boundaries and limited capacity to recognize abuse, since I grew up in such a volatile household. But my gut told me something was very wrong. So I sought help.

Since undergoing EMDR treatment I have gained great insight. For example, when I resurrect the feelings I had (both emotionally and in my body) when my ex-girlfriend would scream at me or belittle me, I get terrible knots in my stomach and my face and sometimes my body goes into spasm during EMDR. Each time I think back to that relationship during EMDR treatment, my mind flashes back to childhood. The feelings I had with my girlfriend are nearly identical to those I feel when I remember my parents beating one another or when they told me they hoped I died in a flaming car accident (I was probably 6-7 at the time my parents first said that to me).

What is most troubling is that nearly 1 1/2 after my girlfriend and I broke up I remain obsessed with her. She displayed classic behavior of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, was horribly cruel to me, and now hates me. My current girlfriend is very gentle, supportive, and loving. She never utters an unkind word to me. So why am I still holding on to thoughts of my cruel ex?

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