EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
i want to accept me but i still wonder
lost_one · 05/23/02 at 7:39 PM ET
After much soul searching about my motives and fears of the therapy and EMDR with my other therapist, I went back to my old therapist today to unload some feelings and thoughts that are too heavy right now for me to carry alone. I told my long-term therapist that the EMDR was very hard for me because I had begun to feel like a child again and wet the bed and for days after the sessions, I would pace and struggle with hanging on to my sanity I felt. She told me that she and my EMDR therapist felt that the EMDR was too much for me right now and that it was ok. Well why do I still feel that I failed and somehow that I am a loser? I think my therapist was being sincere when she said this but I have deep issues with trust and I guess I doubt much anyone says to me. Is it possible that people with dissociative disorders just take longer to process things and maybe I just quit before really trying and if I did try why do I blame me for failing so. I really wonder sometime if I am not out to just self destruct and nothing is going to work. I always have felt that I would not live to 50 and at 49 I am starting to think that maybe I am setting myself up. Is it possible to try again at a later date and have it go smoother? I am going to see my therapist on a as needed basis or when things build up and I need to unload some things otherwise I am going to give me a rest for awhile and see if things can calm down on their own. I know that you cannot tell me what to do but I am grasping here for some answers that feel right for me.
Thanks
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