Why do people cling to their pain?

You write, "I do not understand this seeming need for people to cherish their pain." When the question is worder in this way, it implies that the people in question are intentionally clinging to their pain. Sometimes this may be the case as in your example of people who display pain in order to garner sympathy. However, often pain persists as an unintended as an unintended side effect of the individual's beliefs, assumptions, and ways of coping.

For example, the individual who is rejected by a lover and responds by dwelling on his or her own faults and shortcomings usually is not trying to suffer as much as possible. Sometimes they are trying to figure out what they did wrong, sometimes they are trying to guarantee that they will not be rejected again in the fufture, sometimes they believe that the way to succeed is to make a point of suffering when you fail, etc. If you pinpoint the individual's automatic thoughts, ask about the goal of their dysfunctional behavior, and explore their expections regarding what would happen if they didn't engage in their current behavior, the dysfunctional behavior usually turns out to be quite understandable.

You also write "What I do not understand are people who do not share their pain with others and in fact hide it." Some people are taught explicitly, or through example, that one should not reveal painful feelings, that one should not show weakness, or that one should not ask for help. Beliefs such as these can easily result in people concealing their pain and thus inadverdantly ramaining in pain longer than necessary

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