Re:A Vexing Practice Issue

The Setting: A residential addictions treatment center.
The Population: 8-16 mostly Caucasian, non-professional, middle-income adults, men & women, average age 24.
The Staff: Female Program Director, Caucasian; 3 - 4 Clinicians, also Caucasian: 1 gay man, 1 straight man; 1 - 2 straight women; 5 para-professional technicians: 4 women, 1 gay man.

The Problem: Straight male counselor frequently feels like the 'token white heterosexual male'... Marginalized as a Christian... Unable to openly and honestly voice any positions/concerns/feelings/opinions re: "traditional family values"/morality/etc -- due to atmosphere & decorum of political correctness... While gay colleauge 'wears his sexuality on his sleeve': making frequent references to his "hobby"/"side-job" as a female impersonator at a local nightclub catering to the gay community... frequently "acting gay" and/or intentionally outrageous with female co-workers & some residents... on occasion almost "flirting" with gay para-professional staff member ...showing almost deferential/allowance for the occasional gay resident in treatment; while frequently speaking to other staff in obviously hostile/denigrating terms about the occasional "redneck christian" client in treatment

The Issue: Is it just me??? Or is there something wrong with this picture??? Does this seem appropriate? Do these behaviors seem healthy? How can/should/would one approach this issue??? Is there reason for concern here???

My opinion, if Gay, Lesbian or Bi people in the workplace are allowed by management to flaunt their lifestyles, then religious people should also be allowed to preach their religious beliefs. Personally I don’t think it’s appropriate for either group to “preach” their lifestyles - in the work place. On a street corner or a talk show or newspaper, fine, but on the job, not.

Growing up hetero in a protestant liberal home (Presbyterian which is about the least preaching sect around), personally I believe that my personal life is my own business and frankly on the job, I don’t really need to know about the sex lives of my co workers, it’s not necessary to have that knowledge for anyone to do their job effectively. Nor would I bring my personal life or problems or religious beliefs into the workplace either. As far as knownig about my friends lifestyles outside of work, over dinner or on a Saturday afternoon, then great I'll talk about it all day. Not on the job though.

Let me say: I definitely DO NOT consider myself to be "homophobic." I work very well with ALL of our staff; and have worked VERY WELL with several gay clients. I am a fairly skilled clinician; and consider myself to be fairly well-adjusted & high-functioning. But I am deeply troubled & confused by what I believe are some very unhealthy (and potentially damaging) behaviors on the part of another clinician. Yet I am powerless to do anything to change the behavior; particularly under the circumstances of the program's estrogen-dominated atmosphere & environment. So I am reaching out (in desperation, really) for any feedback, support, insight, or suggestions... How can I best provide for/ensure the safety & recovery process of my clients; and also take care of myself in regard to this issue/situation? In nearly 15 years of professional practice, I have NEVER seen/heard of this issue addressed, anywhere. And I never imagined I would ever find myself in this position. Any assistance/constructive input would be appreciated!

Without knowing specifically what the so called damaging behaviors are, you can’t do anything about it. Staff members will generally not be able to correct the incompetent behaviors of their supervisiors. If supervisors are so incompetent to allow co workers to flaunt their gayness to staff members, and at the same time dis allow your discussion of your religious beliefs thus enforcing a double standard. They are apparently biased against Christian people, think that gays should be allowed to flaunt their gayness or feminist views and you should not be allowed to flaunt your religious views thus upholding a double standard.

Frankly, neither your religious beliefs or their feminism/gay lifestyles belong in the workplace unless it is a one on one discussion with clients, in my opinion. It’s in appropriate for such a double standard. That’s not a value judgment on my part, just a statement of fairness and equality.

Tech, it appears that you read Susan Faluldi?!

For instance back in the early part of the 1900 hundreds women were still frightfully discriminated against. Then there was a backlash - the women got fed up. That caused some women to really go completely overboard and become men haters / men bashers and discriminate against men.

Yes that is true, and just because men of today are respectful of women’s rights and have done much to correct those injustices, females should not be blaming the nice guys of today for things that male beasts did a hundred or fifty years ago. It’s not fair – and the people who promulgate these ideas that men are beasts are these ultra liberal feminist professors in women’s studies programs or feminist psychotherapists who have an axe to grind, want to interject politics into the therapy hour, are quick to manipulate their students or clients into a belief that just about any behavior of a man is suspect of being a gay hater or a women abuser. Unfortunately many many students swallow the drivel hook line and sinker and many good people, men and women, become very hurt, psychologically damaged in the process.

We are still occasionally in the middle of that struggle. The women still occassionally behave with a backlash to prior abuse, and the men still occassionally discriminate against women, or on the other side of it get demasculated by the gong-ho women.

I agree. A major reason why this is true is because ultra feminists and their followers who swallowed the drivel have not belched it and gotten it out of their system yet. Thus, because I am a man I am scum and can’t have a decent long term love relationship with a feminist because I am male and don’t parrot the feminist view word for word.

However, I do think we are getting closer to the point where we are aware that freedom lies in true equality, not powerfights. No matter who is on top. For instance just yesterday I had a spirited but friendly debate with my (opposite gendered) boss as to whether or not it should be only a woman’s full choice whether or not to have an abortion.

Separating out the religion from this and when and where life actually begins, when a woman has an abortion, and the father knows about it, Pain Pain Pain for the man results, JUST AS MUCH as it does for the woman. I dare any feminist to say otherwise. Most men are very sad when their baby dies. I believe I was a father and a woman I loved had an abortion and I am still hurting about this every day. I find it VERY interesting when ever the subject of abortion comes up the feelings of men are COMPLETELY and I mean Completely ignored. Many ultra-feminist women don’t give a rats ass about men’s feelings yet they spend so much time preaching how important it is for men to “get in touch with their feelings” whatever that means. It is impossible for a man to not be aware of their own feelings, but when men don’t express them in a way that feminists want them to or in a way they think they should, men are branded “out of touch” by feminists, whatever that means.

Another example of the same principle at work are minorities of color who has been oppressed for centuries. There was an angry backlash where it was impossible to get away with saying, thinking, feeling, or acting on anything that did not put these minorities on the top of the heap. Now while we are still in the middle of that struggle we are beginning to see it even out.

Same principle at work with gay people. They have been discriminated against for too long. Now there is a backlash. Its not pc to say a bad word against any person of the homosexual persuasion for fear of being called discriminatory. We still need to see some movement back to more true equality on that count though.

Of course, the movement back to equality always starts with someone standing up and speaking out. Even when "speaking out" makes them unpopular.

And when men speak out about this, we are transfigured into "smelly beasts" by feminists with an agenda who are misguided. I was in love with a BI woman (still am to this day), and there seemed to be nothing I could do right by her. She was the love of my life, she had a manipulative feminist psychotehrapist and one of her favorite prof's in college was a person who was on Emilys list. By the time it "evens out", many relationships will have been destroyed by the feminists with an axe to grind. The good men who only wanted to love their woman, treat her right, be happy, and the good women who wanted to love their man, were both brainwashed by the feminists with an axe to grind, and are branded as being "in denial". I guess that's what the liberal womens studies programs and feminist psychotherapists feel is appropriate, damage people today, as payback for what some true male beasts did to women and minorities before we were born. I guess that's what the dirty work entails. And men and women, gay and straight, pay for the damage with their personal emotional pain. For a lifetime.

I don't see anything "evening out" because when feminists damage people in this generation, that damage is carried over to the next generation and hence feminist damage merely replaces the oppression that the men created a hundred years ago with another kind of oppression. All that is happening is the substitution of one form of abuse with another. On that note I think Faludi is wrong.

Replies:

Re:A Vexing Practice Issue, by Da Friendly Puter Tech, 05/28/04 Re:A Vexing Practice Issue, by DBS, 06/01/04 Re:A Vexing Practice Issue, by Janice Burton, MA, 06/04/04

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