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Ethical Issue/Dual Relationship
Anguished · 08/17/02 at 10:33 PM ET
I've been a therapist for twenty-five years. Mostly, I do good work. I consider myself to be ethical. My colleagues respect me. Yet, I've done something so horribly misguided and foolish that I am writing to ask for feedback. Ten years ago, a colleague came to me for psychotherapy. From the start, the treatment was difficult. She said I was clueless. She said I missed important cues, I misunderstood her, and I had no empathy. I felt hopelessly incompetent and inadequate. I thought this was transference. I thought it was projection. Mostly, I thought she was right. Yet, she was desperate. She had tried other therapists. She didn't want a referral. So I perservered. I was grateful for the times she stormed out of therapy and gave me a week or two off. But she always came back and felt guilty that I wished she'd go see someone else. I did seek consultation, but could not bring myself to terminate the treatment. Over the years, the storminess diminished. I got more comfortable and less fearful. I hoped the realtionship was helpful to her. I knew at the least, I was offering supportive therapy. Two years ago, she could no longer pay even my reduced fee. I continued to see her, but more often, we would talk on the phone. At one point, she was calling me daily. Of all my clients, only she had my home phone number. (I had given it to her during a time when she was in crisis.) She wanted me to go to trainings with her. She asked me, when she was ill, to make a home visit. She asked me to do favors for her. Amazingly, I consented to all these frame violations. I felt trapped. I felt that if I withdrew or set a limit, I'd damage her. She'd experience it as a rejection. She was fragile. I was able to rationalize each step outside the frame. Earlier this year, she regretted that I had been unable to help her, but said that the unorthodox treatment of the past two years was better than the the years of office visits. It was more "real". She asked for a referral to an analysts and I complied. She hoped we could be colleagues and have collegial contact. I agreed. We have since attended a conference together. Twice, with another colleague we ate dinner at a restaurant. Once or twice, we have met for lunch. I like her. I think she's a good therapist. There was never any physical contact. I have never had her to my home. I never exploited her for money or favors. (Actually, I treated her for free much of the time.)I am wracked with guilt at how I let the therapy morph into a "friendship". I fear that if I anger her, she will report me to the board regulating my license. I have taken this to my own therapy and understand how I was vulnerable to this countertransference acting out. None of my other clients are in danger of my repeating this folly. I'm posting this partly as a cautionary tale, but also asking for feedback. What should I do?
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