Re:Ethical Issue/Dual Relationship

Hi,

I have a colleague who has had a similar experience - I think that often boundaries feel a little different when the client is a therapist, more a tendency to identify with them, and also boundaries often get shifted during a time of crisis, but it is a slippery slope once they do, as you have found as well.

What is going on right now that is of concern to you? Sounds like there was a lot of stuff from the past that is upsetting you. You have contact as colleagues now - how extensive is that?

Although what you describe is well outside of traditional boundaries and much of it is not recommended for obvious reasons, I also don't feel horrified by anything of what you wrote here, though it sounds like you are feeling that it is horrifying. Although clients don't have my home phone number, many therapists do seem to give that out, and I know that my therapist only has the one number - she sees clients on the same property as her home, in a different building, but has just the one phone number.

My colleague who has been in a similar situation works in a rural area and part of the difficulty for her is that there is some natural tendency for lives to overlap a bit because it is a small community. She tries now to just limit the contact with the individual as much as she can, but is warm with her when she does encounter her.

I guess my idea for approaching this, based on the limitted info that I have, is that I would limit the degree of contact to what you feel comfortable with - if she reacts to that, then have a discussion around how you aren't comfortable with how the boundaries have shifted and worry that it may not be in her best interests, etc... She has someone else she is seeing, so if she calls you with a problem or crisis then maybe suggesting each time that this would be better dealt with her new therapist, and remind her to use the coping skills she has been all along, etc....

I can understand your fears re. being reported to your college, and yet if you let yourself be sort of blackmailed by that, then you may end up in a whole lot worse situation esp as you have to live with whatever choices you make and it sounds clear that this situation doesn't feel ok to you. Worst case scenario if she did report you then you admit you made some mistakes, are doing your best to make amends, are dealing with this in therapy/supervision, etc... It doesn't sound like there were any gross violations, in my opinion. Yes there is some degree of dual rel'ship and yet at the same time there are some boundaries around that - she doesn't come to your home, you have seen her outside of therapy but with someone else present, etc... Maybe my reaction to this is understated - I am a therapist in therapy and the boundaries with my therapist are also a little loose at times - frequent e-mails between sessions, many of which are not particularly therapy related, and we have discussed possibility of friendship when I am finished therapy but both of us are undecided on this and understand the reason for caution and I have the feeling that we are going to come to a mutual decision to not go that way any more than we already have even though we both would like to.

I think I can just relate to this to some extent, from both sides. Though, to be honest, the client sounds a little manipulative as well -understandably so, it is pretty compelling to get that sort of attn from a therapist - those "this is more 'real'" comments are not very subtle and clearly designed (whether consciously or not) to get more of the same. And of course that does feel to her in this moment like what she needs - and maybe from her perspective no harm has been done at all - though the question is, as you raised, how to now shift the boundaries back to where you would feel more comfortable, without her then feeling harmed by that. I guess I would try to shift them slowly and gradually, with the willingness to discuss the reasons behind that and to listen and validate her concerns and reactions about it - and if she needs to discuss that, would probably be a good idea to do that within the framework of a session - maybe scheduling a set number of sessions to discuss that within, doing closure work on the therapy aspect of your contact (knowing your paths may still cross as colleagues) with a therapy setting, with clear boundaries.

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