Shame and Domestic Violence

Dr. Nathanson: As a therapist working with domestic violence offenders and, in lesser numbers, victims, I am intrigued by your observation that, in recent decades, the 'normative' cultural response to shame has gravitated to the 'avoidance'and 'attack other' poles of the compass of shame. Since a majority (percentages vary depending on the study cited) of domestic violence incidents involve the use of alcohol, one could say that BOTH these poles of shame management could (should) profitably be addressed in domestic violence offender treatment. My own work with this population inclines me toward the belief that a significant, though largely unconscious, 'motive' in much domestic abuse is shame reduction via the 'attack other' mode. This view has not always been well-received by colleagues whose idealogical conceptualization of domestic violence precludes "psychological excuse-making". I would appreciate hearing your views on the implications of shame and affect theory for offender treatment, in particular, and domestic violence reduction, in general. Thank you for a very interesting forum. Rich Kuyper LCSW

• Shame and Domestic Violence by Don Nathanson, 12/22/96
  • Shame and Domestic Violence by Margaret Blakely, 12/23/96