Quick, Write that down!

• Both sympathy and empathy are scripts by Don Nathanson, 3/23/97
  • Both sympathy and empathy are scripts by Margaret, 3/29/97
    
    

Margaret,

That is such a wonderful title that I have already written it down. Now, if you wish, please go ahead with the first chapter. I'll be playing golf in Pinehurst NC for the next week and will look forward to how Chapter 1 is coming along when I return.

A thought about your couple: I think what you did is stop them in their tracks and ask them to consider whether or not they really want an intimate relationship. This is something I do in the first session, in the individual sessions I hold with each partner during the initial evaluation, and regularly whenever negative affect begins resonating off my office walls. All the couples who are going to make it, do something very similar to what your couple did. They stop and smell the roses of their desire for intimacy. This is a marvelous way to teach people how to get out of negative affect reinforcing (retriggering) loops that produce impediment in any positive connection between the partners, hence triggering more shame. It is also a wonderful way to prolong one's career by keeping the office a less toxic environment. Negative affect is darn contagious.

Hey, that sounds like a great name for the technique. The stop and sniff maneuver. Please be sure to include it in Chapter 2.

• Write this down! by Margaret, 3/29/97