The "place" where the abuser as well as the abused can be viewed with compassion is beyond "dualism." Creative energy that dissolves shame may---suddenly and surprisingly---become available in this "place" (inner state). Communities with positive norms may support people to develop new scripts that enable members to reach this "place." Developing these new, more powerful, shame-free scripts is traveling a path with heart. Very "Castenada." Don Juan's skills as a sorcerer were honed by working with (and within) systems of petty tyrants. Flexibility in working within and changing realities (systems) is sorcerers' practice.
Rich, your intention ("will"--ala don Juan) to get beyond blaming the abuser within a reality that shames anyone who tries takes courage (heart). I've noticed we have a number of people in this Forum who are intent on becoming sorcerers! Thanks for hanging in! Chauncey