Response to abortion

• Shame, Guilt and the Psychological Sequelae of Abortion in Male Partners by Michael Simon, 12/15/96
  
  

I've asked both men and women these questions for about 30 years. In general, both express a mixture of relief and regret as long as their lives subsequent to the abortion were successful. Directly proportional to the degree of dissatisfaction with their lives was a sense that the terminated pregnancy was the road not taken, one that might have allowed a different path through life.

You may find it interesting that I have interviewed 6 or 7 women who (usually because they were not able to arrange for an abortion) went through the pregnancy and gave up the baby for adoption. All of them said essentially the same thing: "Every day of my life I wake up wondering what happened to my baby." The sheer fact that they are unable to learn whether their child was delivered into a good or a bad world produces far more guilt and shame than an abortion. Furthermore, all of these women commented that they and their friends had little reaction to the early termination of a pregnancy, but great shame at having been unable to handle motherhood at the time of this delivery.

But you ask about men. Some of my cohort said "I am so glad that we were able to get the abortion. My life would have been ruined if I had to marry her and take care of a baby." Some said "We were both so young that we didn't know what we were doing. The abortion allowed us to grow up and not fake being parents." Others said "That was the worst time of my life. Thank God we were able to get the abortion, because I was terrified of the consequences otherwise."

Incidentally, I believe that all nine of the innate affects are involved in interpersonal life, and that all nine of the innate affects are responsible for the development of the self-concept. Shame and guilt (not an affect but the fusion product of shame affect, self-dissmell, self-disgust, and fear of reprisal) get the most press, but anger-rage shows us a lot about who we are, just as do distress-anguish, fear-terror, surprise-startle, interest-excitement, enjoyment-joy, dissmell, and disgust. The form of shame that is so specifically self-referential is only one of many ideoaffective complexes in which it may appear.

• Men and Abortion by Michael Simon, 2/2/97