I think that if there is any MD in the Pheonix area who is familiar with meditation of any kind, and you are very determined, you will be able to find him or her. It will require what is called in career counseling "informational interviews". Start where you feel safe. Ask a nurse who you know if she might know someone who knows someone, and build on that. You could directly call the hospital and ask if there are any alternatively minded physcians. You could also check popular and scholar written material to see if someone in your area has experience in this area. My sense is that you might be asking for answers to questions for which the knowledge does not exits. I think that you are experiencing more awareness of how you feel. You are feeling the more healthy side of you emerge as you meditate, and you are also experiencing you uncomfortable feelings too. Meditation will help to build that healthier side of you. And when you aren't actually meditating the effects of meditation will subside. Like the clarity and peace you feel, the anxiety will also be taken over by the numbing effect of medication or the emotional habit you now have created that protects you. Gradually, as your healthy side becomes stronger as you meditate and become more familiar with it, your anxious side, and your numbed side of you may fall away. I think that much of meditation is an act of patience and a lesson in faith. Trust that your mind will move toward greater health and happiness.
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