An Introduction to this online community

• Online Communities by John Suler, 12/2/97
  • On-line communities by Merrie, 8/2/98
    • conflict in communities by John Suler, 8/2/98
      
      

>>Out of curiosity, I did a word count to see what words came up most frequently in this forum so far (excluding obvious words like "the" and "cyberspace"). This is what I came up with:

12=real, 9=lurk, 8=anonymity, 8=words, 7=hurt, 6=persona, 6=unconscious, 6=collective .... "suler" also occurred 41 times!.<<

Due to the timelessness of cyberspace, in just a few days I have been able to lurk in anonymity over a year's worth of posts without getting hurt, quietly sponging off of the words (both the 10 dollar and the 2 cents varieties) expressing your collective unconscious. I won't bother switching my gender since I have been told that my online persona is obviously female, and I'm using my real name because it's easy for me to remember. And my thanks to John Suler for being such a gracious host.

I have been part of an online community for about a year and a half. The folks on our messageboard come together because of an almost fanatical devotion to a particular comedy troupe. At its best, it is a place for witty threads and downright silliness. It's an interesting sort of group dynamic because the board is designed for humor, and newcomers are thrilled if they are teased or the words of their posts twisted into something they didn't necessarily mean. The regulars take it upon themselves to greet new folks and they also kind of police the board to minimize the effects of inappropriate behavior. Usually, the first attempts at quashing the unwanted stuff are pretty creative. I've seen rude or just plain disgusting posts turned into some very funny threads -- without any outright attacks on the person who posted the original message.

Our core group also has a private board, which is where the real sense of community comes from. About 2 years ago, a small group formed a polygamous virtual 'marriage', which takes on new 'spouses' at fairly regular intervals. An initiation of sorts is required -- we all received a proposal and had to post some silly vows. We had to complete a quest, but in most cases, these are for entertainment purposes only. (For example, I had to search the web for pictures of a hibiscus, Valerie Bertinelli and a URL where you can buy Sea Monkeys.) We range in age roughly from 15 to 46, and in place from San Diego to Stockholm. I think there are about 40 of us all told, with about 3/4 of that number appearing regularly. There have been some f2f meetings with very positive results, and we're trying to plan a major get-together for next summer.

My experience with my virtual spouses is one of the main reasons I searched for a forum like this one. I'm fascinated by the dynamics of computer mediated relationships and wanted to see what kind of research was being done. I have a full and busy offline life, but I really miss these people when I can't get to my computer (or if some of them can't get to theirs), I weep with them when they suffer losses and am genuinely happy for their successes. I think one of the things I love the most about our camaraderie is the fact that we met because we laugh at the same things (which has made me very interested in the relationship between a person's sense of humor and his/her worldview).

On dealing with negative aspects -- The woman who maintains our private board came up with a good way to deal with potential arguments or hurt feelings. After a particularly heated discussion about current events, she created another section to the board -- The Rant Room. It's specifically for anything we might have to say that might be irritating to someone else. The cool thing about this 'room' is that there is almost never anything that resembles an argument in there. My thought is that the mere act of posting something there shows respect for the others on the board, so everyone goes in with the knowledge that their own feelings and opinions count, even if they're different. For a 'rant room' it has a very pleasant atmosphere.

• re: introduction by John Suler, 8/22/98