Consequences of inappropriate accusation

• child play or sexual abuse? by Thom Carden, Ph.D., 2/2/99
  
  

This is indeed an unfortunate situation. For starters, I would encourage you to contact and expert in this area: Carol Marks, MFCC, 920 Saratoga Avenue #212, San Jose, CA 95129; 408/249-8047. While this young man has had the terrible misfortune of getting caught in the contemporary Sexual Exploitation Panic, he is fortunate to have a therapist who understands that children are fully sexual beings, regardless of adult discomfort. There are two messages I would want this child to have. First, adults do make mistakes. This doesn't mean that adults cannot be trusted, or that he can expect that they will always be making mistakes. Obviously, there has been a misunderstanding. Unfortunately, these things happen in life, and every person needs to develop the skill of handling such a thing. It's not fair, but that's the way life is. The second message is that sex is okay: feelings, fantasies, desires. Eroticism is built into all people, and each of us faces the challenge of learning to express this in appropriate ways. Appropriateness has two components--what seems right to us as individuals, and what seems right to those around us. Everyone needs to learn to broker between the two. This said, I wonder about this young man's life before this incident. It sounds as if he has had a very rough time. I would focus on reparative work-- talking about the ways in which he has been abandoned, not seen, etc., and put this unfortunate incident in that context. In the long run, I believe this will be most helpful.

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