EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
Results with EMDR
Cathy · 08/02/00 at 10:00 PM ET
It has been over a year since I visited this forum....I use to read everything....trying to find all the answers to my questions. I have decided to return to post one last time my results after ungoing EMDR therapy for almost two years. At the risk of sounding too poetic....for all of those who are wondering.......YES, if it worked for me.....I would venture to say.....it would work for almost anyone. It has been worth every hard awful moment because in the end.....you cant imagine the relief unless it has worked for you also. A return to the human race.... In a nutshell....raised by parents who would this day and age be imprisoned for their "parenting"...despite that I managed to go on to college....be successful in my career and marry a USAF fighter pilot. But the day after we found out we were to be parents to our second child....he was killed in a devastating plane crash. Although he was the only one killed.....it was international news....and an unfortunate spotlight I was unprepared for... being pregnant, widowed and the mother of a one year old. Inlaws who wanted to have "heads roll" destroyed all support I had going. The end result was a clinical depression so profound that medication didnt touch it. I probably already had PTSD from my childhood....but I walked around with every second of my husbands crash visually in my head for two years. Later that year my daughter was hit by a car and was comatose and sustained injuries that we still deal with today. Although I will say she is fully recovered from here head injury....her sight and hearing were the most affected. I went deeper and deeper...the next step was suicide..or ECT. To me..the latter sounded better by then. (To make this movie sound even more of a horror story...the counselor who was managing to keep me tredding water died of cancer). Somewhere in a lucid moment....I actually made the decision to move to seek psychotherapy from a therapist skilled in EMDR. I had two babies I needed to live for. Although two years may sound a long time to some...I was also playing the hit or miss game with medications. You name it...they tried it....we would max out the therapeutic dose and try the next. I look back and see that this was one of the most important things with the success of EMDR....the depression had to lift. And as it did...my motivation changed...my spirit and my receptiveness to the therapy changed. The other most important thing I found is that you have to have the absolute right therapist. You will know who it is when you can sit there and dump everything crazy going on in your head and I mean EVERYTHING and they still seem glad to see you at your next session. And when you think your going to shock them half to death and you dont.....and when no matter how much you want to give up....they seem to think you can still make it. You know they are the right one. Dont forget to ask all their credentials and the specifics of their training with EMDR. The information is here at the forum. I also feel that the effects of EMDR for me were cummulative......a little bit better everytime. But the "wellness" did seem to sneek upon me. Suddenly I was beginning to function. The visuals in my head were gone. Today if I try to make them come back....I can barely do it. And what is there is just a fleeting thought. It is amazing. By the way......if your wondering about meds and EMDR.....as for me....I can only say that they helped. They were beneficial in treating depression......and I dont think they hindered the effectiveness at all of the EMDR. And trust me if your taking it.......at one time or another I probably took it at the same time I was undergoing EMDR. My EMDR was simple....the tracking of a pen back and forth....I think the important part was the dialogue during the procedure itself. Her ability to bring out honestly what was going on in my head and my fortune that I trusted her to say everything. Even if I did get a little miffed now and then at her for making me feel "too" much pain. And the trust knowing that if a session went to any point of "panic"....I could go back to the office if possible. (By the way it never did). I probably should mention that I was also financially ok enough to be able to go 3 hours per week. We would use the third hour on another day.....to just discuss and regroup for the next session. I continue therapy for "clean up" work...mastering the single parenting world as a young widow. My unborn child at the time is now 4 and tells me everyday "Im going to fly fighters like Daddy so I can go see him". And I can say....OK son if you want to fly jets that will be OK with me. Now if thats not almost "cured"....then I dont know what is!!! Sometimes I've wondered if this whole EMDR thing was just a big "fake out" to make me believe and get my butt in gear...get on with life. But then the horrors that haunted my mind are not there......and I honestly cant not make them come back no matter how I try. For lack of a better word its a little spooky. Although the PhDs would probably prefer I say "bewildering" or as they would say "We really dont know exactly how it works but....." Sorry to be so long winded...when I came here a year ago...I always looked for a story of "did the EMDR work or not!!!". Maybe someone who reads this will now know it does. Good luck if your times are hard.....I hope your story ends in success too.
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