abandonment fears and EMDR

I am 50 years old and have consistently experienced severe anxiety in my relationships. I am always afraid I am going to 'be left' and when it does end, I go through terrible anxiety and abandoment issues. In reading about EMDR I have been able to identify with some of the problems reportedly treated with this therapy.

When I was born, my mother was ill (both physically and emotionally) and has told me she did not pick me up or hold me very much for the first 6 months of my life. As long as I can remember, I was always afraid of losing my parents. If they were going out for an evening, I was worried sick all day and didn't sleep until they got home, afraid they would be killed in an accident. I was in therapy at around 7 or 8 years old for these fears and also because I was afriad that I was gong to be kidnapped. So when my parents divorced at age 9 I was already extremely insecure. I think my fear of being left by men may have stemmed from one very vivid incident following the divorce. My siblings and I were living with my mother (I was probably 10 at the time). We were watching TV and heard a horrible scream from her bedroom. We rushed in...she was talking on the phone to the man who she had left my father for and was crying hysterically that "he had to come". I remember grabbing the phone and pleading with him not to say anything else that would upset my mother. They eventually did get married but by mother remained unavailable as her new husband was her priority. I know she did the best she could do but I am also realizing that as a kid I did not get what I needed to feel safe.

I have been in and out of therapy all of my life and this issue has always been prominent. I am a recovering alcoholic (sober for 3 1/2 years) and very active in AA's Twelve Step Program. I have decided that I will now "go to any length" to try and dimish or get rid of these horribly debiltating feelings which seem to be getting worse as I get older. I also know that my insecurities and fears of being left often manifest into "clingy" behavior towards my partner. Over the years I have been able to change my behavior on the outside (I don't appear as clingy) but I still feel the same on the inside.

My current therapist has suggested EMDR. I would be most grateful for your opinions/suggestions re my situation.

Thank you.

Replies:

Re:abandonment fears and EMDR, by Sandra Paulsen Inobe, PhD, 07/30/03 Re:abandonment fears and EMDR, by susan, 07/30/03 Re:abandonment fears and EMDR, by Sandra Paulsen Inobe, PhD, 07/31/03

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