Re:Getting ready to try EMDR

I'm sorry about your experiences and I salute you in your work as victims' advocate. The scare is normal. Remember this - You can stop the process at any time, you have the right and the therapist can also stop it if he/she feels that is necessary.
My work with emdr has progressed slowly due to my history, initial sessions turned out to be trial runs as I was easily overwhelmed and had difficulty with eye movements.(I'm not willing to do handtapping due to previous trauma) Two more recent sessions were stopped by my therapist - my eyes told him to stop. However we went further in those sessions than on previous attempts. Last week was quite successful - I asked my therapists not to stop unless I clearly told him and to carry me through. Going so close to the overwhelm and then stopping was uncomfortable and I was afraid I'd keep avoiding it. My therapist honoured my request and carried me through - I almost stopped it, but, I was ready to go forward and I did. Trust, safety and a sense of control all came together. (I knew that, despite my reqest, my therapist would not take any risks and would have stopped the process if needed.)
Since that session - I've been laughing in a way I haven't laughed in a long time; I had a regular dream, not a bad dream, not a nightmare, but just a regular dream - so that is what a regular dream is like!; I had one day feeling quite depressed (an issue for me anyway) but during that day humourous comments, made by myself and my therapist, kept coming to mind and I laughed so much; during a phone conversation with my therapist a spurt of reflexive anger came out and I told my therapist to "back off" (except those weren't quite the words I used!!). I said it with my whole body and I meant it, I laughed about it later and thought "that felt good, darn good." Expressing my anger is not easy for me and that little experience was full of power. Regaining my sense of power, owning my power again?? I'm willing to bet my therapist was sitting at the other end of the phone thinking "Go for it"!!
I'm eager for the next emdr session - scared, yes, I've a lot to work through. However, laughter; a regular dream; speaking out with firm anger and power; and something else I can't quite label yet, something good - I'll take the scare to get more of those things.
A lengthy response - but, I want you to know that if you can just let the scare be there and if you trust your own wisdom then emdr can be quite helpful. Plus, I've really enjoyed sharing this and I'm really proud of myself for going as far as I did during my last session. Darn - It Feels Good!

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