When You Know Your Therapist's Personal Crisis

My therapist recently told me that her husband has a brain tumor. She said that normally she would not have told me, but she decided I should know because she would be off work for a number of days during and after his surgery. And, depending on the outcome, it could affect our sessions. However, she was not planning for sessions to be altered significantly.

Now that I know my therapist is going through this awful crisis, I find myself worrying about her. I worry about whether her husband's brain tumor will be found cancerous. I worry about what my therapist will go through if it is cancer, or if her husband dies. I can't stand the thought of her being in pain. It hurts me. And though I hate to admit it because I know it is very selfish, I worry that because of this crisis, she might not be able to continue being my therapist.

Now that I know this, my tendency is to hold back from talking about myself and my problems in therapy. I don't want to add to her problems or stress. I know that I am a difficult patient. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, in addition to Major Depression and PTSD.

I have told my therapist about my concerns. She says I am not adding to her stress, that she has no problem keeping her anxiety in check and focusing on my issues during our sessions, and that I should not worry about it.

But I still do. I don't know how to "not worry" about her husband's tumor and the outcome. Or how I will be able to talk about myself and my problems without feeling very guilty and selfish for doing so.

I know this is not a forum for clients, but could someone from the professional world please give me some solid advice here? I don't want to change therapists, but I don't know how to balance my needs with hers.

Replies:

Re:When You Know Your Therapist's Personal Crisis, by Valerie Kirby, Ph.D., 06/06/04

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