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Re:Transference and the Whole Therapy Relationship!!!
MOnica · 12/14/01 at 12:18 ET
WHile you seem to have a clear sense of appropriate boundaries, many clients don't. One poster suggested that therapists are a substitue for people from your past, sort of a "rent-a-parent/friend/lover/nameyourpersonfromthtpast." But understand that there is a slippery slope in which an innocent touch on the shoulder can be intentionally or accidentally construed as more than a friendly gesture. It would be too easy for a client with a poor sense of boundaries to be convinced that sexual activity should be part of therapy (since the therapist in this case would be playing the "I'm your substitute lover" role). WHile I've never personally heard of this, it's in the literature. As for hugs making you feel better, of course they do. But the idea of therapy is that it is time limited, not a lifelong prospect, and if the therapist is making you feel better with hugs, he's not teaching you anything, not helping you develop your own skills to regulate your own emotions. As a parallel, I teach gymnastics. THere's no way my kids would learn the skills if all I did was demonstrate for them, or to physically lift them in the air or up on the equipment. My students need to feel their own weight on their hands, learn their own sense of direction and learn how high they have to jump. I spot my students just enough for them to learn the mechanics, and as a therapist, I do use influencing skills to help my client clarify and develop.
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