Re:Frustrated Therapist

I note in your first post that this client is 26 years old, yet later in another post you say how much you want to help this "kid". A 26 year old is not a kid, she is an adult who needs to know that she has choices and can make choices. If you are seeing her as a kid she may be picking up on that and responding as a child would respond - not knowing she has choices and can make them. I certainly would not be too happy if my therapist referred to me as "this kid". Note that my therapist will say such things as "you are a very intelligent woman" or "you're a woman with a great sense of humour" - this reminds me I'm not a child, I am an adult. Also, in your first post you remarked that the client was "extremely intelligent" despite her history. PTSD and a history of abuse does not mean a person cannot be "extremely intelligent" Are you expecting that persons who have been abused in the past and/or those who experience PTSD are somehow less intelligent? Perhaps you need to examine your own beliefs, unconscious understandings, and see if they are interfering with you efforts in this case. I am also extremely intelligent, I've experienced abuse and I have PTSD. Please know that I'm not trying to be critical here, just that I tend to be an "honest woman" also and felt that these things needed to be pointed out.

What I have found helpful in opening up to my therapist and in connecting with my therapist has knowing that I am in control of where the sessions go, it's my choice and my therapist works with me on that. I've learned that I don't have to talk, that was a good idea someone posted, and I've also been told by my therapist, when I expressed concern over not being sure if I could trust him, that I don't have to trust him and, gee, I don't even have to like him! I don't owe him my trust or my liking. It's myself I need to trust and like. I've also come to realize that feeling safe does not equal trust, but that the sense of safety that has built up has increased my trust in myself and led to trusting my therapist. My therapist has shown me respect by not pushing past my need to protect myself, does not see me as resisting/fighting him (I use those words) but, rather, appreciates my need to protect myself and gently helps me let down my guard. One question he uses that can get to me is "what are you protecting". You might let your client know that it is okay to protect herself, she has learned to do that in the past and it is a strength. She needs to know you will honor that need to protect herself and that when she lets down a barrier it will still be okay and safe with you. She can choose to put the barrier back in place any time she needs/wants to. My therapist also asks me to pay attention to what is happening in my body, what it feels like - this leaves me a way in and out - I can just choose to say my neck feels tense or I can take a risk and say there is fear in my stomach. Then, we just go from there and sometimes I won't go any further than that!!!

Long response, but it's my response. Hope it helps! Take what you want and leave the rest.

Replies:

Re:Frustrated Therapist, by DBS, 05/03/04

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