La Femme Nikita & Intimacy

• La Femme Nikita by Don Nathanson, 8/5/97
  
  

The TV series is indeed a wonderful analogy to the abusive male-dependant female bond of intimacy. The wonder of it all is the rather large and physically powerful female who wails in therapy that her abusive 98 pound husband broke her finger because "He's really very strong." That's rather like the elephant that only moves so far when the chain is removed or the convict who paces the demensions of his old cell long after he's released. Indeed, the learned helplessnes and its ancillary shame are often the only way these couples can create some form of physical intimacy. I have yet to find an abusive relationship as noted above that does not end in some form of love-making. I often wonder if we're looking at a learned and distored way to satisfy basic needs. If its needs satisfaction, then, however distored, there is a payoff for staying in the abusive relationship.

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