Re: No-thing-ness in psychotherapy

"Meditator" poses some very basic questions. I'll try to keep my response brief. I'm sure others could reply with much more knowledge of Buddhist teachings and psychotherapeutic methods. I prefer simple concepts and simple language; what we're talking about is hard enough to do without making it hard to talk about.

>Hi again. Please delete me, if you feel that my response doesn't belong here for any reason, particularly because I am not a clinician.

No, I'm not about to delete you. That would violate the First Precept, Respect for Life, wouldn't it? :-)

>This is perhaps one of the most important topics for me,true self.... I don't know how I would have discovered true self without the aid of meditation.

Meditation is also how you stay in touch with it, essentially rediscovering it each time you sit with your breath or respond to a situation mindfully.

>How do you maintain a true self in the moment when the moment all around you could just be hell on earth?

This question addressed the reason for meditation - to develop the skills needed to act out of one's true self during challenging times. In other words, we try to maintain our practice whether on the cushion or off.

>Fear, anger, jealousy, negative emotions override the true self, unless the true self is very strong.

Right. Which is why we go to the cushion to lift weights, so to speak, twice a day. Wouldn't it be nice if the psyche responded to meditative weight-lifting as quickly as muscles do?

>That brings me to "detachement." Since I don't practice Buddhist meditation, maybe I just don't understand detachment. Detachment, from my experience, means staying with the true self, the strong adult self, which enables me to live without being pulled into depression and turmoil.

I'm no expert on Buddhism, but it sounds like we understand detachment pretty much the same way. I often tell myself, "It's not about you" (i.e., me). That helps me depersonalize the moment without dissociating from it.

>... many people are being taught in books and in quick seminars to numb themselves from their emotions. If this is detachment, I wouldn't want to practice it. Numbness, from my experience, only cuts off the true self, creating anxiety and depression.

I think you're absolutely right. That approach is denial. Detachment simply means that I am not my experience, or anything else. Ultimately, "I" does not really exist, but that idea is hard to stay with. My approach (when I remember it) is to identify my emotions, feel them, and live through them with the understanding that my true self holds it all in awareness. Not detachment, but an acceptance that the emotion is both temporary and part of my nature as a human being. I am not my emotions, but they are part of me. Perhaps this approach might help resolve the paradox.

>So that leads to my last observation. Living in the moment, detached from one's feelings, sounds like a good idea, and even is ideal, if enough of life is tolerable. However, for many people trauma, turmoil, intolerable living conditions make living in the moment very hard.

In your next statement you gave the answer:

>... It takes not only creating an healthy inner life to hold onto the true self, but the outer life also has to reflect, eventually, the true self.

It takes a strong "true self" to stay on the path of mindfulness. Many people aren't so strong, which is why we have other people helping them cope with tools like meditation and psychotherapy. It sounds to me like you have more strength than confidence. As a counselor once said to me, "You know the right thing to do, so do it."

>So what about the reality of the external life when attempting to live in the moment? There's an inner true self that eventually needs to be manifested in the real world

I suggest you explore the work of Parker Palmer, especially his little book titled, "Let Your Life Speak." He discusses exactly this point in the context of "true self."

>What happens when reality gets in the way of manifesting true self in the real world? It can happen. Acceptance, because desire causes suffering?

Yes, acceptance. You say that "Then the true self cannot be manifest in the world. This is where detachment, practiced as numbing, could lead to depression and anxiety?" Remember that acceptance and detachment do not mean numbing, but rather they mean moving into the objects of desire or aversion with the awareness that mindful awareness transforms them from weapons of destruction into tools for inner growth.

I hope this makes some sense to you. I also hope it wasn't too long.

May you and all beings be well and happy.

Dave

Replies:

Re: No-thing-ness in psychotherapy, by Meditator, 03/17/02 Re: No-thing-ness in psychotherapy, by Dave Birren, 03/18/02

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