Carey, I don't know how much advice you're asking for but here's mine: First, your problem seems similar to a relationship between two people of differing faiths. After divorcing a religious woman and then marrying a rational woman, I have a good feeling for why you'd prefer someone who is more like-minded. I much prefer this woman who gets sexually excited when I rattle off big words than the other who listened only to the advice of her church 'friends' (I've gotten to the point where I wonder whether a wife's friends' highest priority is to make everyone else's marriages insufferable; OK, there's still a bit of hostility there). This is a wife that understands the source of jealousy to the point where she only insists that I wear a condom when I spend a weekend in another town with a woman I romanced over the internet (no, I don't make it a habit). And a trip to Hawaii with a woman that says "over there is a body you'd really like, let's go follow her" is much better than forcing yourself not to rubberneck. She believes the truth: with her attitude, I'm going to keep her as long as I possibly can. Second, there are women out there who would greatly appreciate your intellect and everything that entails (well, almost). Being able to speak your mind and have someone to interact with real-time is a benefit that anyone in a relationship deserves. I don't know if this issue you're having is an isolated one or the tip of the iceberg; that's your call. Third, a grasp of mating strategies can be very beneficial. I know that cut flowers are a huge waste of money, but that's exactly why women find them "romantic"; the fact that you're willing to waste money shows them how much you have in 'extra' resources and how important they are to you. I've thought for a long time that a wife's goal is to spend all the money a husband is saving for the next wife. Since you understand this, you can be more romantic than the guy who 'feels' it (for the first month or two); romance from men is an action, not a feeling. Of course, my wife doesn't care for cut flowers and wears only costume jewelry because she understands her instinct and how destructive it is. We both prefer traveling. Fourth, you're right, that you understand the basis of love and attachment does not mean that you're immune. The thrill of your wife unzipping your pants on your first date is just as strong. My advice: keep trying to convince her. If she's as smart as she should be (you and your kids REALLY deserve a brainiac) she'll come to understand her instincts and become much more rational. If she's not, or doesn't, then keep looking.
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