Matrons and the Boys

Meredith Small, a stocky, argumentative female, once bragged in the NY Times Magazine that she had a younger lover, a painter as I recall, and used her personal example to refute the EP data of older males' partnering with younger females. It's fairly easy, however, for some people to commit an manic gaff: "I don't fit the data, therefore, the data, its interpretations, and the poor bastard who found the data and invented its story must be wrong." NIGYSOB (pronounced like it's spelled) strikes!*

Some thoughts:

1) Male & female behaviors overlap. One the one hand, we share nearly the same genome but different strategies are sometimes activated and there is a huge variation in trait expression even within the separate genders. Thus, we often find exceptions to the statistical means. Just look around any bus.

2) Females after age 35 usually experience estrogen decreases as they move out of their reproductive stage. Ditto for males in regard to testosterone. You won't take our directions any more and we don't want to spend money on you (but will continue to do so on a younger model). The two genders become more similar.

3) Young guys will screw anything and the brake on our success is female discretion. (Olivia Judson makes the point that "discrete" does not mean passive: she finds that women, whether they have two legs or 60, hunt for good sperm.) Women in their late 30s, however, are also notorious for having affairs but they are not into child-making or set themselves up for trouble if they are: neither old eggs nor old sperm are much good. Relationships without children, thus, can be more finite. (I'm sure that you remember the hit, "Just a Gigolo.")

These compromises can be intolerable for long term contracts but acceptable when your teddy bear no longer scares away strangers at night (Yes, separation anxiety may return when you cross the divider between plum and prune.) There's also a trophy aspect in your competitions with other women, contests that started when you were 3: it's better to have somebody rather than nobody, especially since males are so hard up and so available. (Hypothesis: women sometimes get implants to impress other women and themself rather than a guy.) Many women prefer, however, the company of other women just as they did in college (LUG: lesbian until graduation) and are often less fixated in their gender preferences than are males.

Expect some excuses as to why your lover will spend his time with you instead of his finding a traditional age-mate. (A "sweet lemons" analysis: "I appreciate him despite his being a drummer.) Expect compromises in looks, health, and kindness. Also expect some males to be interested in you for your money. (Money is wonderful: it subsidizes your play and mine.)

Bottom line: You can draw several kinds of fly to your mons but most of them are not apt to hang around. Like most of us, enjoy your past times....

JimB

Research-Opportunity-That-Buss-Missed: Gigolos. References: Buss, D. (1994/2004) The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating. New York: Basic Books. Judson, O. (2002) Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation. NY: Metropolitan. * "Now I got you, SOB." A line from Transactional Analysis, muttered by an unremembered leaf in the fall, a very long time ago.

JB

Replies:

There are no replies to this message.

| Behavior OnLine Home Page | Disclaimer |

Copyright © 1996-2004 Behavior OnLine, Inc. All rights reserved.