DID Amuk Online

At the risk of 'barging in' - I would like to prose a question to the members of this board. I am trying to obtain rational, unbiased, and stated responses to my question. I posted my question on a DID forum and was met with defensive, emotional and even hostile responses. I don't think my question is unreasonable.

small history: I am a 36yr. female - married - two great teenagers. Life is good except that I have never been able to be a part of it. I am in therapy, excellent theraputic relationship (grin - relax - not what I'm here for). Cut to short, diagnosed dissociative disorders, I hate the use of the phrase DID so please pardon. My experience through life has been a life of secrecy, lies, confusion, and turmoil - trying to retract steps, places, people, and maintaining my marriage. It's a humiliating experience for me, one I still have a hard time discussing. Therapy is slow, feels like pulling one hair at a time.

>>>>> MY Question:

Naturally I looked for information on my diagnosis. I find no relief in the diagnosis either, only shame and I am still having a hard time accepting it. WHAT I FOUND on the internet is disturbing to me. I have come across sites that almost seem to 'celebrate?' this condition. Supposed 'alters' running amuk on the internet, hundreds of pages of personal web sites and forums. The most damaging to me are the supposed child alters on the internet. 'Lil's' as these people call them. I cannot conceive of it. Where are my 'happy go lucky and playful' lils? It's insane!! The only children I hear scream, sometimes sob all damn day and rob me of my attentions. Their drawings and ideals of the world are not so sunny and depict themselves in sometimes hideous fashions. There is no 'fun' in any of it!

What are your opinions on this internet phenomina? 'Alters' running amuk with homepages, play lands and the whole ball game. What am I supposed to think? Please offer some rational opinions. It will help me clear a lot of confusion. Thank you so much ahead of time for your generosity in responding.

• re: AMUK online by John, 3/4/99