To be or not to be.....

• Addictive lifestyle? by Tatiana Matveeva (Inity), 2/26/99
  
  

Hi again,

All these good postings about internet-computer addiction I find interesting. I myself am an addict. A street drug addict alcoholic actually. I began treatment in 1981, and have not relapsed since. This July I will celebrate my 18th year of freedom from my addiction. In May, Shona, (my wife) celebrates her 16th year without relapse. Together we, and our friend Jeff, (19 years without relapse) are Directors of our charitable organization (Paradox Innovations Inc.) which offers novel peer-counselling and Gestalt Therapy non-medical treatments for substance addicted persons. We have many successful years of on-going experience. Why am I telling you this?

Cuzz I respect you Tatiana, and I also wanted to qualify myself a bit. Like I said in my last post, I do not consider you an addict. For me a working definition of an addiction must include both an upside and a downside essence. And that essence must be intimately entwined throughout the users life. Otherwise, the essence bar is not met, and we would be looking more at simply some adaptive (pro and con) behaviours and not actually addiction processes. There would be relative degrees of conflicting adaptions which could be resolved with simple and straightforward interventions to help the person become more of who and what they want to be, and become less of who and what they don't want to be. Medical cases of course would require medical interventions, and are not simply as straightforward. Such cases can involve highly complex treatments. Still though, complex cases does not at all mean "addiction" per se.

My model of addiction may not be able to be transported over to a cyberlife addiction. Let's see anyways.

1. Person accepts that life without addiction process is no life at all.

2. Person accepts that addiction process is a life unto itself. That is, it is autonomus relative to the persons life.

3. Person nourishes and upholds the autonomy of the addiction process willingly, and with ever decreasing positive resistance to that autonomy.

4. Person does not accept the personal and real life consequences of the three above statements; and so manifests a complex internalization of negative responses to balance enviromental forces which act against or are percieved by the person to be acting against the the above three statements.

5. As consequences become more severe, a desperate struggle of survival becomes evident; the person actively destroys more and more enviromental elements until enviroment is no longer a meaningful threat. Unfortunately, the person now is realisticaly removed from any healthly enviroment and to maintain the nullification of enviromental threats, the person must constantly be on a search and destroy level of awareness, less the enviromental elements regain a level of importance.

6. Statement 5. above requires enormous energies from the person. An incredible high is experienced. Like a runner who gets his or hers second wind. Like the moments just before, during, and after good sex. Like exhaling all your breath and then holding it for as long as you can before you inhale. (here I am attempting to defeat the lack of ftf contact inherent in net communications)The person becomes addicted to this experienced high and strives to regain the experience time and again.

7. Eventually statement 6. has overwhelming costs to the persons well being. Like a starving person who's body begins to consume its own flesh in a futile attempt to stay alive, the addict will consume his or hers own internal energies to keep the process 1. thru 6. active. Now the person has become a true addicted person. having nullified the outside enviroment, now the person will seek out and destroy any and all internal threats (thoughts, feelings, ideals, personality, loves, hates, whatever is self/personal) which hinder or are pervieved to block maintaining statement 6. above. By now the person is a chronic addict who will even forfeit their life to keep the experience ongoing and constant. The high is the upside. Death is the downside. An addict is born.

So I say that I am a drug addict from the streets. Fair enough. To be more accurate though, I am not really simply just addicted to drugs, cuzz if I were I would never get 18 years of sustained sobriety. I would have had many relapses, looking for that high. I don't have relapses cuzz I realize my true addiction is to that high. Drugs was just a cheap and quick way to get that high. Now I have to actually work at it! But after 18 years it comes easy now. And it's much higher than drugs ever brought me. So we all have heard that once a drug addict always a drug addict. We can never go back. Well, that is true. There is no cure for my drug addiction except abstinence and a real good life. That is what I have so I guess that I am cured. (haha) Now I put all my life energies into maintaing that abstinence, hence my high, hence my good life. If it works don't fix it.

As I said Tatiana, I do not consider you an addict. I do think that you have met people, who struggle for that high in cyberlife that you struggle with, but I think that they perhaps have completed all the above addiction steps in their cyberlife. I don't know for sure Tatina, but I just don't see you in a search and destroy kind of existence with your life. I am sure you have some unwanted and unjustified behavours in your life (don't we all to some degree. Let's be honest now. Nobody is perfect) but I really can't get a sense from your postings and web sites that I am communicating with a real addict. A young woman both excited and concerned with your here and now experiences on the internet, and within your private life to be sure, but that is a good indicator of a healthy mind and productive life with strong potentials.

Something to keep in mind here about the internet and computers in general, but especially the internet is this:

The internet is an interface of computer technology and humanity. Some persons are going to get a high from the experience of that interface and be nourished by it. Like the runner who passes out in exhaustion in an Olympic marathon race as s/he crosses the finish line. Total effort totally spent. The many years of training was worth it to that individual, and to the world who looked on in amazement at the effort and sacrifice of all Olympians. We cheer them on and wish for them all the Gold Medal.

And then there are those who try out for the Olympics, but internalise their struggle so much that they defeat themselves before they can qualify for the marathon run. There is no medal for these people. They can jion the rest of the world and cheer the Olympians on, or they can turn there hearts cold, and turn there backs, and eat themselves up suffering from internal percieved failures.

With the internet, I am sorry to say, there are a lot more losers online than winners. Perhaps one day this will not be so. We can hope. Humanity is very adaptive and resourceful. The internet is both a good thing and a bad thing. But it will NEVER be all things to all people. The internet is NOT NOT real life (double negaitve). The internet is REAL LIFE whenever humans use it to contact other humans. Just like other technologies, the internet will find it's place in humanity, but not all humans will cross the finish line. They will get lost in its absurdity. You are very much a medal contender to be sure Tatiana!

Remember cell phones and fax machines? They used to be absurd too not so long ago; anyone want to say today that talking on a cell phone or faxing is not REAL LIFE?

Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Dale.

• addictive lifestyle by John, 3/1/99