I'm sorry for the loss of your parents, Tatiana. This has been a difficult time for you. If you can find some comfort in the work and relationships that you pursue online, then do so! And maybe what you learn in cyberspace can help you enrich your in-person relationships as well. At some point, if you feel unable to move past this phase of grief, it might be a good idea to find someone who can counsel you. I hope this New Year proves to be a better one for you.