Boys will be Boys Who Don't want to Play Ball

• Exploring the Frontier of Human Consciousnes by Robin Sircus, 10/25/98
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    • Reality Check by Dale R. Smith, 11/3/98
      
      

Dear Dale and anyone else who is listening and or participating,

(Is this experiment a one on one between me and Dale or is there a social or group context here? What follows is a response to Dales reactions to me which seems reasonably strong. We are already into a typical conflict situation with one party already packing in his ball and going home to his wife. So we do not know if he will return to read the response. But here it is anyway. I have stopped making speeches at this point and will try to be a normal person if I can. But I concede that few would call me normal whatever that is. )

Sorry you did not like my speech for that is only what it was and was not directed especially to you. And I am sorry you have so many problems with my perspective of life or consciousness and find the need to take exceptions with them.

But you hit on some good point and my mother agrees with you. She always said that I could sell the Brooklyn bridge but I rejected the life of being a salesman. And yes you do not have to tell me that I do not know you, that is so obvious it is hard to believe you found the need to mention that. But you show more with your words than you know and you have shown a lot in the above message. I am finished with my speeches, especially here and I will just be me too if you don't mind but I think that you will mind everything that I will say and that is why you, sorry to say and be honest, closed your letter like a child packing up his lunch box and saying I am going home. You wanted to play ball and at the first toss you end the game. And by calling me a child, a judgment, you expose yourself I am afraid. As Cat Saunders so rightly says "peoples judgments of me are statements about them not me."

(Sorry to lie but here is a short speech. How do we know when we are in our hearts? We don't mind. Simple yes? We don't mind picking up the socks of the one we love. We don't mind the words and react. We simply don't mind....)

I am a reasonably strong but vulnerable person and I did feel some pain reading your letter and I do not need to hide that at all. But you have to realize that I am covering my bets, so to speak, and I sent that speech out to others to balance the feedback. I am not vulnerable to running away from you or anyone else or will I find the need to close myself down like a hurt little boy whose world view has been so quickly judged and stomped on. As you yourself has said, through my words you will not know me, please apply the same before your respond so bluntly and quickly. You want to accept me at my word, and then react, but how do you know if you really understood me or even if I really communicated correctly what I was really meaning to say?

"YOU as childish, hopelessly wishful, and somewhat shallow." Oh come on, I think we started this whole thread with someone saying something about egos and putting them on the line. It did not take long to get into some stuff here and I guess my speech really worked to push a button but that was not my intention. I just shared my thoughts and feelings and I guess you are the only person I can think of this moment in my life who feels this way. I lived with a women for almost seven years who would call me names and it took me a long time to understand what Saunders was talking about namely that this women was really talking about herself, and though I admit that I am not perfect, and deserve confrontation on occasion, name calling is something from grade school and if I will not take it from my ex wife anymore I certainly will not entertain it from a stranger who does not even know me. I thought you were a psychologist. Are you? Do you know anything about projection?

But I must admit to all that there is a child in me who I love, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I hope for good things to happen in life. If that makes me shallow well so be it.

Dale I am very glad that you have realized that you have consciousness too. I hope you enjoy it. But I think I have said enough and do not want to go back through your message to attack point by point your statements and communications. If this is what you all are used to we will not go anywhere and our social experiment will be one of the shortest in history. I think I said somewhere, and I am sorry to all for saying so much to a vacuum of responses since we began such a short time ago but I took this seriously and invested my consciousness (is it really all right to use that word here, I am in doubt now) in it and no matter what I have already learned something. But what I want to say is this type of forum or thread or whatever you call it is probably not the best structure to carry on a support group for equal souls as was outlined by Storm King. But I have seen this type of communication in mailing lists and with right wing Christians who can't stand to hear anything that they don't agree with.

But for now here I remain and only boredom will make me run from a commitment.

Robin Sircus Am curious to hear from Mystic and John and others about their own feelings independent of this conflict and of course I am interested in comments and reactions to this conflict. Anyone here ever read anything about Creative Conflict? Great book!

• Dear Robin by Dale R. Smith, 11/4/98