Ways of Knowing and Alternative Arrangements

• All About This Forum by Marty Klein, 11/16/98
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    • Authorized non-marital sex by Marty Klein, Ph.D, 12/12/98
      
      

I find Dr. Klein's discussion of marital arrangements in which there is no committment to monogamy quite disturbing. My first reaction was to jump out of my chair and begin preaching about a need for data. Well, though I still believe that to be a viable challenge, I have another question. What is the point of getting married? What are the marriage vows like? Why not just live together? My point is that culturally and in many religious rituals, the public proclamation of marriage is a statement of exclusivity.

Actually, I have a second question, which is related to the first set. If I have intercourse with women other than my wife, then what seperates her from the rest of the population of women? I contend (and this is not scientific mind you, so if you do not want the observational/Judeo-Christian perpective - stop reading now!)that because my wife is the only person on the planet with whom I have sex, she is seperate and distinctive from other women... if I did have sex with others, the marital relationship is no longer a special one. My point? Why not just simply live together if you do not want this committment? What is so special about that status of "married" if there is ultimately no committment? I fail to understand this!

Answer this: what is so special about a marriage where monogamy is not an expectation? Why bother? What is the point? What is it's meaning? Of course, to answer this, one must first answer what a monogamous marriage means.

If a client does not understand the nature of this committment, I will make a kind and gentle referral, citing the above beliefs as reasons.

• Field Trials of Alternate Intimacy Arrangements by Arnold Bob, MS, CMT, 1/10/99