EMDR FORUM ARCHIVE, 2000
 Re:EMDR Treatment
 I'm not sure I totally understand exactly what you mean by dissociative disorder.  I have read a bit about it since I read your response, but we have not gone over that in therapy.  I did tell my psychologist that I blanked out during my rapes ~ I wasn't there ~ I just saw white.  Is that what dissociative disorder is?  My EMDR therapy wasn't really that painful.  Some of the memories were unpleasant and I didn't like to remember, but I wouldn't want that to keep somebody else from going through the therapy because it is so helpful.  One really cool thing happened after my first EMDR session.  I remembered that after my first rape, I took a really HOT shower to get rid of the filth.  Since that first rape, I have always taken very hot showers and baths ~ although I never really thought about why I was doing it.  My husband would call me pinky because I was scalding myself until I was pink all over ~ for every shower.  I also loved my hot showers ~ but I never realized that I was taking them because I was raped and I was always trying to cleanse myself.  After my first EMDR session I noticed that I could not take a hot shower, no matter how much I wanted to ~ it was simply too hot.  I have to constantly add colder water ~ which just amazes me.  I no longer have to cleanse myself from the filth of someone else.  He no longer holds that power over me.  That is one thing that amazes me the most about EMDR ~ how it makes your brain work.  I was talking to somebody the other day, and she said that she took scalding hot showers ~ so hot that she was pink.  That made me think ~ was she raped also?  I'm not saying that everybody that takes really hot showers was raped, I was just wondering if I was the only one that had ever realized the reason behind my hot showers.  Just thought I'd share that little story.
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